March 6, 2013

My Safety Pin Slacks



One year ago, I was in the process of making changes in my life.  I was miserable and felt like something was missing.  So, I started out by landing myself a new job.

At my previous job, I was able to wear jeans to work.  So my work clothes were my everyday clothes.  At the new job though, I had to wear business casual clothes.  This meant I needed to go shopping.  Most girls would get excited about having an excuse to go to the mall and buy new clothes.  But as someone who was overweight and unhappy with my appearance, the thought of shopping made me want to cry.

I can specifically remember this day like it was just yesterday.  My sister and I went to the mall in search of a pair of dress pants and shoes.  I can't even count how many stores we went to.  At most of the stores, I barely fit into the largest size of pants the store carried.  But even the largest size was tight at my waist and too short for me.  So my sister and I went to one last store: The Limited.

I was to the point where I had no choice, I had to find a pair of slacks in this store.  There were no other stores to go to because I had already been to them all!  To my surprise, I found a pair I really liked.  They were dressy, thin throughout the legs, slight boot cut and the perfect length to wear with flats. The only problem: they wouldn't button. No matter how much I tried to suck my stomach in, they wouldn't even come close to buttoning. So, I tried going one size up - the biggest size the store carried.  They fit.  But, there was something about the fact that they were the largest size in the store.  I couldn't face the fact that I was that big.  I really wanted to lose weight and allowing myself to buy a bigger pair of pants was not going to happen.

So I came up with a solution. Safety pins! I would buy the smaller size and safety pin them shut.  Figured it would force me to lose weight. Nice idea, right? Well, the pants started out with one safety pin.  Then I expanded them with two safety pins, then had to buy larger safety pins.  Eventually, my pants were held shut with a beautiful chain of shiny safety pins.

I was so embarrassed by this.  I had to wear long shirts that were loose to cover up all the safety pins.  I can't even count how many times the safety pins popped open and cut me, or how many times they popped open during a meeting and I had to discreetly pin them shut.  Just writing about this makes me feel bad for that girl I once was.  I was so miserable and incredibly embarrassed by my size and my weight.  I tried to deny the issue for so long.

I have since bought new slacks that button from The Limited.  They are pretty loose on me now and I finally ordered new slacks online yesterday - a size smaller I might add! But while I wait for my new pants in the mail, I decided to dig out my old safety pin slacks.  Figured they might fit now and I could maybe wear them for the next couple weeks.

As I pulled my old slacks out of my dresser, I noticed they still had the safety pins attached.  I decided to try them on. Wow. I kind of just stood there and looked at myself in the pants.  The safety pins, which were once so tight they would pop open, were now dangling.  I did it! I really did it!

While I wait for my new smaller slacks in the mail, I will wear these 'safety pin' slacks proudly.  I was once ashamed of who I was and what I looked like, but today I am proud.  Proud of who I am, what I look like and proud of how far I have come.  I am looking forward to getting my new slacks in the mail - and looking forward to buying an even smaller size in the future!

Jess

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