February 1, 2013

Summertime

Summertime.  The time of year I have always dreaded.  Everyone hangs out at the beach, goes boating, lays out by the pool and lives in their bathing suits.  Girls wear cute sun dresses and tiny shorts with their bikinis.

I do not own a pair of shorts or a sun dress.  I have not purchased a bikini in several years.  Last summer, I would lay in the sun with my sister wearing yoga pants and a tank top.  Yes.  Black long yoga pants in the summer.  I declined every offer to go swimming, boating or to the beach because of my weight.  I didn't want to put myself in a situation that I would have to wear shorts or a bathing suit.

My family went over to eastern Washington for Labor Day weekend.  I remember the instant anxiety I felt when my mom said we could go paddle boarding and lay by the pool.  It is so warm over in eastern Washington that there is no way I could get away with my yoga pants by the pool, I would look like an idiot.  So, to avoid having to wear shorts and a bathing suit, I made other plans.

I have missed out on so much because of my weight and insecurities.  Last week, I heard someone mention that they had to start working out to get in shape for summer.  Summer?! Just hearing that word gave me anxiety.  I quickly calmed down and reminded myself that I have another six months before summer is here. Six months to workout, to eat healthy and to get the courage to buy a bikini and a pair of shorts.

I am determined to feel confident this summer.  I am so sick of sitting at home because I am too embarrassed of the way I look. I am not going to be the fat girl next to the pool in long pants this year.  This summer, I am going to wear summer clothes - shorts, tank tops, bathing suits, summer dresses - and I am going to feel good in them.  My weight has held be back for way too long and I refuse to waste another summer feeling bad for myself.

This summer is going to be a good one and I can't wait to see my progress by summertime :)

Jess
Happy Friday
New favorite song!
They love treat time
Before bible study
Mia :)
Treated myself to Starbucks

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