February 6, 2013

Focus On Yourself

Confessions: I am really struggling right now.  I feel like I am off track and that I have lost focus of my true goal.

This weekend for the Superbowl, my Mom, my sister and I all went to a family friends house.  All anyone could talk about was how skinny my sister looked and how much weight she has lost.  First off, my sister didn't and doesn't need to lose any weight.  She is tiny already, yet, she is losing weight like crazy.  Feels like she turned into a tiny twig overnight and everyone is noticing, telling her how awesome she looks.  I hate to judge others for the way they choose to lose weight and get fit, but my sister doesn't workout - she just doesn't eat anymore.  So while I listen to everyone congratulate her and tell her how good she looks, I am fighting myself not to scream "ITS BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T EAT!".  I just can't support the idea of not eating to lose weight. Not a good idea.

Although I do not support her way of losing weight, I can't help but feeling crazy jealous from all the compliments she is getting.  I work my BUTT off everyday.  I am in the gym every single day, sacrificing my weeknights, never sleeping in - just so I can make it to the gym.  Portioning out my food, watching everything I put in my body.  Taking supplements.  Yet, no one notices my hard work like they do hers.

Its so ridiculous to be jealous because frankly, I refuse to lose weight by starving myself. Starving yourself is not a healthy weight loss plan.  So why am I jealous?

Like I have said from the beginning, I don't want to be skinny - I want to be fit.  I want lean muscles.  I want to be strong.  I want to be fast.  I want to be happy.  I want to be confident. I want to love myself.  I want to get fit by eating healthy and working out.

I guess this is a good reminder that I am my only competition and I can't compare my journey with someone elses.   At the end of the day, all that matters is that I am proud of myself.  I am the only one who truly knows how hard I work and how many hours I put in at the gym.  Starving myself would probably make me lose weight faster and get me a couple compliments, but that's not my goal.  I want muscle, I want my body to reflect the hours I put in at the gym and the healthy food choices I make.

I would love for others to notice my weight loss and my hard work, but that is not why I am working hard.  I am doing this for myself.  I need to regain focus.  My focus needs to be on me, myself and I - no one else.


Bath with a good book and cute company
Keeping me company in my bath

Evening snuggles with Sadie
Vanilla Protein, Vanilla Soy, Coffee and Ice - Blended Coffee
So good!


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