January 17, 2013

Just Be Youreself

I went to the gym Tuesday night.  Did 45 minutes of hills on the elliptical with high resistance.  20 minutes into my workout, my feet were going numb and I just was ready to be done.  Then I thought about my goals, where I want to be by summer time and I immediately found the energy to complete all 45 minutes strong.  It was an arms day, so I did tricep kick backs, bicep curls, shoulder press, etc.  I felt really strong.  Sounds kind of mean of me, but I get so much satisfaction watching a girl get on a machine I just used and have to take the weight down by 20 plus pounds.  I get even more satisfaction when I hop on a machine that was just used by a guy and I don't have to adjust the weight at all. Just physical proof that I am so much stronger than I once was.

Last night, I met with my trainer. We did a full body workout, low reps and high weight.  Like always, we all chit chatted while we were lifting.  I told the girls that my date asked me out on a second date.  They were all so excited.  Asked what he had planned for the date and they were so excited for me.  At the end of the workout, we all packed up and I walked out to the parking lot with my trainer.  She told me to have fun on the date and she wanted to hear all about it next week.  Instantly I blurted out, I am so nervous that he isn't going to like me.  I told her I feel like I scare guys off because I worry too much about what they think of me.  Just as everyone else has told me, she said, if he doesn't like who you are there is nothing you can do about it because you can't stop being you.  She told me, if you pretend to be someone you're not, he is going to be liking someone that isn't you, and you can't pretend to be someone you're not forever.  So true. Then she asked, were you yourself on the first date?  I replied, yes of course I was.  She looked at me and said, well he must have liked you - for you - since he asked you for another date, right?  Good point.

When I got home, I opened up my daily devotional and opened it to January 16th (Jesus Calling). It read, "Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur." How true.  I always think ahead into the future, worry about things that may never happen.  I don't just do this when it comes to dating, but I do this in almost ever aspect of my life. In my head, I feel like if I think about problems that may occur the future, I can prepare myself to deal with them.  But I am not really preparing myself, I am just causing myself to stress and worry about things I have made up in my head.

My date is this evening, therefore I will be skipping the gym tonight.  I am going to remind myself to live in the moment, enjoy right now, don't think ahead and worry about things that haven't and may not ever happen.  I am nervous, like always, but I am very excited to see him again.  Reminding myself of my previous  post:

"I might not be someone's first choice, but I am a great choice.  I am not rich, but I am valuable.  I will never pretend to be someone I am not, because - finally - I am good at just being me.  I am not proud of things I have done in my past, but I am so incredibly proud of the person I am today. I am not perfect - and never will be, but I don't need to be.  Take me as I am, or I will gladly walk away."

I am a good catch for someone - all I have to do is be myself.  I truly love the person I am today and I am confident that someone else will too.  

I am going to enjoy my date tonight - live in the moment and be confident in who I am.

Jess

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