December 5, 2012

Let Go, Let God

I haven't blogged in a while. I have been overwhelmed with stress and worry.

I had to go to the doctor on Monday and I have a cyst in my groin.  Doctor told me it was no big deal, gave me antibiotics, told me to soak in hot baths.  If it doesn't go away, to come back in and they will drain it.  Sorry, totally gross, but this is my blog and I need to vent. As you all know, doctors make me panic.  I Google my symptoms and always think I am dying.  Like my sister says, when googling symptoms, you're always two clicks away from dying.  Why can't I just be relieved its just a cyst and that she said its no big deal.  I literally was in the doctors office for two seconds before she knew what it was.  Yet, I doubt the doctor and worry that its worse.

I have been so worried about all of this that I have thrown my gym routine out the window.  Sitting at home in sheer panic thinking about the worst outcomes.  Its only been two days on the antibiotic and I am panicking that it isn't gone yet.  So of course I hop on google and read about how painful it is to get it drained (gross) and my heart is pounding with panic.

Why do I worry so much about this?  Why can't I pray about it, let God deal with it and trust that I will be ok?  On the radio this morning, they are helping people who are in need this Christmas season. Today, they were helping a woman with three children who has cancer in her brain, lungs and liver.  She barely has a year left to live.  Why can't I just be thankful for what I have?  This woman is so sick, yet she is so thankful for every day she is alive.  Makes me feel so stupid for wasting my days worrying.

This is why I haven't been blogging or going to the gym.  Stressed to the point I can't even live my life right now.  Although the doctor told me not to worry and that this is not a big deal, I can't help but stress out about it.

“There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever” - Mahatma Gandhi

I tend to forget that God never gives us more than we can handle. I have a lot to be thankful for and I need to have faith.  Worrying about this is not going to change the outcome. I get so caught up in thinking ahead, I forget to enjoy the present.  

I am praying the doctor is right and I am trying not to worry about this.  Getting back into the gym tonight, hoping that will take my mind off of things.



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