December 31, 2012

HAPPY New Year's Eve

"I will be honest, I am nowhere enar where I want to be. I always get ahead of myself and remind myself to slow down. One step at a time as long as its forward, not backwards, it will work out."

A friend of mine sent this to me in a text last night and I feel like it really is a good quote of where I am right now.  Just thought I would share :)

Today is New Year's Eve, the day you are supposed to celebrate the end of one year and the beginning of another.  Most years, I don't understand why people celebrate it so much. One year, on to the next. No big deal.  This year, however, I feel like I have a lot to celebrate.

2012 started out rough.  I thought I had everything I wanted.  The career, the guy, the nice apartment, talks of marriage and the dog.  As the months went by, I just felt like something was missing.  If I have everything I thought I wanted, then why was I so miserable? It took a few months into the 2012 for me to realize what I was missing.


Sounds so small, yet, without happiness, whats the point of life?  Once I realized what I was missing in my life, I started making small changes in order to find my happiness.  I started by getting a new job, a job that I completely love.  My new job made me happier, but it didn't solve the problem.  I then adopted a new puppy, Mia, who I am completely in love with.

These changes helped, but didn't solve my problem.  The number one contributor to my unhappiness was the toxic relationship I was in.  I lost who I was and forgot what I deserved.  Making the decision to leave the relationship was unbelievably difficult, yet it was the best decision I have ever made.  Although I wanted out, its never easy to do.

I remember when he moved out of my apartment, I felt lost and had to sleep at my Mom's house for a bit. He was my identity, without him, I didn't know who I was.  But, for the first time in over a year, I felt like I could finally just breathe.

It was a new beginning for me.  The stressful part was over, just had to focus on rebuilding myself.  Soon after, I bought a new car and started dating again.  Still, something was missing.

It wasn't until I started exercising that I really felt like I found my happiness.  Exercising taught me that I am a very strong woman.  I am independent, hard working, determined and finally - I am happy.

2012 has been a crazy year and has turned out to be better than I ever could have dreamed.  I feel like I know more about myself than I ever have, I know what I deserve in a relationship now and have learned how important it is never to settle or cut yourself short.  I feel like I have clear goals - career goals, fitness goals and relationship goals. Now that I know what I want and what I deserve, its easier to go out and get those things. I have lost over 25 lbs and really good about myself.  Can't wait to lose even more and tone up in 2013.

Today, on the last day of 2012, I lifted over 100 lbs on each leg lift I did. Back in October, I was barely able to lift 50 lbs.  Just like the quote above, I am nowhere near where I want to be, but I am sure as hell closer than I was last New Year's Eve.

I am entering 2013 HAPPY - and that is something to be proud of :)

Wishing you all a HAPPY New Year's Eve! Cheers!


NYE 2011
NYE 2012

December 29, 2012

Gym Motivation of the Day

Doing P90X at home today. Legs and back, plus abs.

My motivation? I finally fit into the skinny jeans I bought back in September. They fit comfortably, no bulging. Progress, that's what is motivating me right now.

Small progress is still progress.


December 28, 2012

December 27, 2012

New Year's

It feels like it has been a long time since I last blogged.  Lots on my mind, so I apologize if this post is all over the place.

I have the week off work and I have spent a lot of time with family and just relaxing.  Last night, I took a bath, set up my Christmas gifts and got everything organized.  My plan was to sit down and watch a movie.  So, I looked through my DVR and saw the movie New Years Eve.  Figured it was a light romantic comedy and it would be perfect for a low key evening.  This movie made my head spin and got me thinking about how I have no plans for New Years Eve.  You're supposed to have a date for New Year's Eve, go out, have a blast and, of course, have a  New Year's kiss at midnight.  My guess, I will have none of those this year.  As I got to thinking about New Year's Eve, how I don't have a date and I also have no plans, it got me thinking about last New Year's Eve. 

Last year, I went out with my friend, her boyfriend and my boyfriend at the time.  Sure, I had a date, I went out and I got a kiss at midnight, but let me tell you, I had an absolute miserable time.  My friend and I got separated shortly before midnight, so my boyfriend, who was a very angry drunk, decided we should walk home.  Sure, I only lived about a mile or two away from the bar, but I was wearing uncomfortable shoes and it was all uphill.  He yelled and screamed at me the entire way home.  Happy New Year to me.  A cab ended up picking us up and driving us to my place.  He continued to scream at me in the cab, on the walk to my apartment, all the way until he fell asleep.  I cried myself to sleep that night.

So as I watched the movie and thought about last New Year's Eve, I began to feel completely content with having no plans, no date and no midnight kiss.  I tend to get so caught up with what society thinks I should be doing.  I had a date last year, went out with friends, drank, got my kiss at midnight, yet, I wouldn't want another New Year's Eve like that ever again.  Once again, I am reminded that being single and happy is much better than being in a relationship and absolutely miserable.  Funny how quickly I forget.

The holidays really make me feel like I am the only single person in the world.  Everyone constantly asks how my dating life is and ask when I am going to get a boyfriend.  Sometimes I just wish people would stop asking me.  Is it really the end of the world to be single?  Honestly, I am not ready to date.  I just feel like such a work in progress that it wouldn't be fair to to someone to try and date.  I look forward to being ready to date, finding that one person who gets me and being so in love.  Can't wait.  But right now, I am just not ready for that.  I am completely enjoying being selfish, exercising daily and doing my own thing.

I went to Fred Meyer yesterday, hoping to stock up on Christmas decorations and wrapping paper.  To my surprise, all of the Christmas displays had been switched out with exercise equipment. This is honestly the first year that I will not have to make a New Year's Resolution to lose weight and I am really happy about that.  I am thankful that I started my journey to lose weight back in September and I didn't have to wait until the New Year to make a change.  My New Year's Resolutions never lasted long.  I would diet and exercise for a couple weeks, then decide it was too much work and I would quickly revert back to my old ways. 

My trainer used to do personal training at a high end club years ago.  She said there were always so many clients that would complain about all of the 'New Years Resolutioners' at the gym after the first of the year.  I am sure many of you have noticed, the gym is always packed after New Years.  My trainer said the reason those people never stick with it is because they go to the gym, workout for hours, starve themselves and as you can guess, they burn out pretty quickly. Exercise and eating healthy needs to be a lifestyle if you're going to stick with it.  People are so drastic and they can't maintain it in the long run.

I was so nervous about entering the New Year.  I sat around thinking about all of the things I didn't have, rather than focusing on how much I have grown this year.  I am single, but right now, I think it is for the best.  I am in better shape than I have been in all year, I am eating better and most importantly, I am happier than I have been all year.  I am looking forward to 2013, being happier and stronger in the New Year.  Lots to look forward to.

Here are pictures from the last few days.  Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas :)


Blogging at a coffeehouse

Bought 12 bottles of wine for $78, saved $108 :)

Reading my new magazine in the bath tub

After my hair appointment

Wish it were that easy!

My dogs and I on Christmas Eve

Christmas morning
Sadie girl

New wine glasses for my new wine rack

New outfit for Christmas Eve

Favorite gym shirt

Sadie and I

Love this quote

December 26, 2012

Interview With interviewed me for their site and I just wanted to share :) You can find me on Glipho here.

For our Xmas Eve Meet a Glipher, we have the lovely Jess! She's one of the Glipho fitness experts and her regular Gym Motivation posts have inspired the entire Glipho team to start getting fitter. One of the really great things about her gliphs is that they make getting fit sound appealing and achievable... not always an easy thing to do!
She tells us all about why she decided to start blogging about her fitness journey and how it has helped her!

1. Why did you start blogging? Why do you continue to do it?

I originally started blogging back in 2009. Goal was to blog about running, marathon training and to give tips and review products I liked. I took a break from blogging and running and last September, I started the blog back up. I had so many thoughts running through my head and I just needed them out in the open. Most would say, why not just journal? But for me, I needed the feeling of accountability. Knowing other people read it gave me the motivation to keep going and to push myself harder. Like I have said though, I probably read my blog more than anyone else. I blog so I can go back and read and remind myself how far I have come and what I still need to work on.

2. Blogging can be a great way to express your individuality, but sometimes it's a bit nerve-racking to put yourself out there. What does blogging mean to you?

It is nerve-racking to put yourself out there, but the support that comes from it makes it all worth it. Blogging means a lot to me because the support I get from the people who read my posts help remind me that I am not alone and not the only one who struggles with weight and happiness.

3. Have you had any particular experiences as a result of your blog?

I can’t say I have had any experiences as a result of my blog, but I will say that my blog has given me the courage to do some things I wouldn’t have done otherwise. For example, I had the courage to run the 5K back in November because I really wanted to be able to blog about it and say I ran it. A lot of evenings, after I write my Gym Motivation of the Day, I just want to bail on the gym and lay at home. But, I end up going to the gym each evening because I don’t want to have to admit to everyone the next day that I bailed on the gym. My blog motivates me, gives me courage to face my fears and keeps me accountable.

4. How involved are you with the online community? Have you attended any blogger meet-ups, online or offline?

I wish I could say I was more involved, but I am not. I follow several blogs, but I have never attended any blogger meet-ups. Definitely would love to be more involved!

5. Which blog(s) do you love to read?

I have two blogs that are my absolute favorite. The first one is By Me For You. This one is written by a friend I went to high school with. She talks about her struggles with weight, her eating disorder as well as her experience in treatment. Even if you don’t have an eating disorder, I think everyone can relate to her struggles in some way or another. Another one I love is Lindsay’s Ramblings. She is such an inspiration for me and someone I look up to. She gives great advice for women who lift weights. Although I think she looks amazing just the way she is, I admire her for always striving to be better and admitting to her weaknesses. These are great women and I Iove reading their blogs on a regular basis.

6. I love how motivated you are about getting fit. How would you encourage other people to find your kind of determination?

Make lists! For me, I needed to write a list of why losing weight is so important to me. Whether it is to be healthy again, gain confidence, be able to wear a bikini or fit into cute clothes, they are all reasons that make me want to work hard and lose weight. I think people tend to lose sight of what they want in the long run because we all want immediate gratification. I would encourage everyone to make lists. Post the lists where you will see them and remind yourself of why you want to reach your goal. I also think it is really great to have a support system, whether it is friends, family, a blog or twitter. Find people who will keep you accountable and support you to do your best.

7. What's your favourite exercise to do in a workout? And what's your worst?

I have recently found a love for weight lifting. I have noticed the biggest difference in the shape of my body since I started lifting heavy weights. My favorite lifts are squats and deadlifts. They engage so many different muscles and it feels really good. My least favorite exercise is push-ups and planks. Not sure why, but these are so hard for me! Definitely a sign that I need to improve my core and upper body strength!

8. What made you decide to start writing on Glipho and how is it working out so far?

I was approached by the Glipho team on Twitter and I figured it would help drive more traffic to my site, so why not? I had no idea the kind of support I would receive from Glipho. I love all of the kind comments I get and love the people I have met from the site. Glipho is a great place to share your blog posts, but an even better place to find support, encouragement and accountability. Very thankful I joined the site.

9. What goals do you have for coming year? Any particular blogging goals?

My goals for the coming year is to continue on this journey, lose weight and be happy. One goal I have is to sign up and run a half marathon before the end of 2013. As for blogging, I just want to continue blogging on a daily basis and hopefully improve the look and feel of my blog. I want to reach my weight loss goal in 2013 and be able to blog about fitness and running rather than losing weight.

You can follow Jess here and on Twitter.

Thanks for reading :)


December 20, 2012

Love This

After my post earlier, this gave me some peace.


Live Everyday to the Fullest

Tomorrow is the day that everyone has been talking about for the last few years.  December 21, 2012.  Doomsday. The end of the world.

People joke about it and make light of the idea of the world ending.  I'll be honest, I am slightly nervous for tomorrow. On the way to work today, they were talking about how NASA said if the world was truly going to end, it would happen at 3:11 AM.  That is less than 24 hours away and it completely terrifies me.

I know these thoughts of mine are totally irrational, but I need to get them out.  If the world ends during the middle of the night, I am going to be all alone and that completely makes me sad.  I feel like I should go spend the night with my family to avoid being all by myself.  I usually never let my dogs sleep with me, but I feel like I need to let them sleep with me tonight so they aren't all alone.  If the world doesn't end at 3:11am, I honestly feel like I should just stay home to avoid anything bad.

Stupid, I know.

But then, I remind myself that no day is promised.  We don't know when our time is up, so we just need to live everyday to the fullest and enjoy every moment.  As terrified as I am about the thought of the world ending tomorrow, yet, I am also thankful for it.  All of this talk about it has really made me reevaluate my life and what I want to do with it.

I hate that there are things I feel like doing today and tonight just because the world could possibly end.  Like, letting my dogs sleep with me.  If that is something I would do tonight since the world could end, why don't I do that every night? No day is promised, so why not do that every night?  If I truly lived each day as if it were my last, then I would not feel the need to make changes to my daily routine.

I am going to try to forget that tomorrow is December 21st and just live my life and make today a great one.  I am not promised anything, so I am just going to be thankful and make the most of every moment I am blessed with.

Here are some funny pictures sent to me by a friend this morning. They made me laugh, hope they make you laugh too :)


December 19, 2012

Gym Motivation of the Day

I made it to the gym last night.  I biked hills for 30 minutes and then did an arm and back workout. The hardest part about yesterdays workout was just getting myself to the gym.  I was exhausted and had no motivation. A few people told me to just rest and take the night off. Taking the night off, resting, having a glass of wine, all of those things sound nice but they aren't going to help me reach my goal.

I am realizing lately, it is so much easier to just be fat. Yes, I said it.  It is easier to be fat.  You can eat whatever you want, you can have your evenings and weekends free to do whatever you want, you can go out to eat and not worry about nutrition. So much easier than working out everyday, sacrificing your evenings for the gym, cooking healthy meals and keeping track of what you've ate.  Being fat is so much easier than being healthy and in shape.

The easier choice, however, is not always the best choice.  Being overweight and unhappy with the way I look is absolutely miserable. I have made so much progress and I know what it feels like to be in shape, its so much better than being overweight.  Its nice being able to look in the mirror and like what I see.

So I feel like I have two choices: be overweight and miserable or be healthy and happy.  Although it takes much more time and effort to be healthy and happy, I would choose it over being fat and miserable ANY DAY.

I love this quote above, "If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. Its the hard that makes it great." Anything in life worth having is worth working for.  Being healthy and happy is SO worth working for.  Reaching my goal of being happy, healthy and in shape is going to take time and I am going to have to work at it.  I will continue reminding myself that all of my hard work is worth it because the alternative of being fat and miserable is, well, miserable.

Tonight, I am working out with my trainer.  She always finds a way to motivate me and remind me why I started this journey in the first place.

I will continue to work hard and sacrifice my evenings and my Saturday mornings for the gym.  Why? Because I am worth it. 


December 18, 2012

Gym Motivation of the Day

Lately, I feel like I am doing anything but succeeding.  I have an excuse for everything lately and I am letting my stress get the best of me.  I blogged about a week ago about how I couldn't 'take a break' during the holidays or allow myself to over indulge on food.

HA. What a joke. I feel like I am so busy lately, that some days, I literally can't go to the gym.  This weekend for example, I was busy both Saturday and Sunday.  Although I didn't have time to drive to the gym, workout and then drive home again, I did have time to workout at home.  Did I? Ha, of course I didn't.  I had every intention of working out in the mornings, but I was 'too tired', meaning, I didn't feel like it.

So, while I was too tired and busy to workout and make it to the gym, I completely over indulged on food this weekend.  It is so hard being at a Christmas get together, delicious food everywhere, and then stick with a salad.  Although it is hard to deny food when it is sitting right in front of me, I can guarantee it would have been worth it.  Because now, I feel sluggish.  Amazing how a few days of not working out and eating poorly can really change how I feel.  Last week, I remember my trainer telling us we have to workout extra hard because we will be eating poorly for the next few weeks.  I remember thinking, YEAH RIGHT. I thought I had more self control, more motivation and determination to say no to junk food. But, I was wrong.

Tonight, I am planning on going to the gym and let me tell you, I am dreading it. I caught myself earlier trying to think of excuses of why I can't go to the gym.  It gets to the point where its not even about wanting to lose weight and look good, working out and eating good makes me FEEL good.  I always regret it when I eat junk food and don't workout, but I never regret a good workout or a healthy meal.  I can feel myself slipping off track, my anxiety is through the roof and I just feel sluggish.

Time to get back on track, I have worked too hard to give up now.  I don't know what I am planning on doing at the gym tonight, all I am focused on right now is getting there.  Once I get my butt in the doors, I will figure the rest out.

Today, this is what is motivating me to get to the gym:

1. I want to feel good - looking good is an added bonus.
2. I want to reach my goal.
3. When the next holidays come around, I want to have more self control.
4. I don't want to go back to how I was before.
5. Feeling unattractive is the worst feeling ever.
6. I have worked too hard to give up now.
7. Working out helps me control my anxiety.
8. I want to be able to buy smaller clothes.
9. I am ready to notice changes in my body.
10. I want more muscle - defined muscle.
11. I want to feel comfortable showing my legs in dresses and shorts.
12. I want to be able to buy the 'in style' clothes.
13. I want to like what I see in the mirror.
14. I want to feel comfortable weighing myself.
15. I want to gain more confidence.
16. I want to make myself proud.
17. I want to prove to myself that I can do it.


December 17, 2012

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Read this on a blog I follow, Evolution Revolution, written by Lisa.  I am sure many of you have read this on Facebook, but I love this so I thought I would share:

"A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll
ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend."


Pay It Forward & Weekend Pictures

This weekend was a bitter sweet one.  I took Friday off work and slept in until 11am, which I absolutely never do.  I laid in bed and got on Facebook.  Every single post was about people being shocked, speechless and heartbroken.  Curious what everyone was talking about, I turned on the news. 20 children and 7 adults, shot down in an elementary school.  I, too, was shocked, speechless and heartbroken.  I watched the news coverage at home and then went to the gym and watched an the coverage there while I biked hills for an hour.  Everyone at the gym was working out slowly with their eyes glued to the television.  So horrific.  I will never understand how someone could do something so incredibly evil.

Friday evening, I went shopping with an old friend.  It was great to see her and catch up with her.  On Saturday, I went and saw Elf the musical at the 5th Avenue Theatre in Seattle.  The play was so good!  My Mom, brother, sister and I all grabbed dinner downtown after the musical.  On Sunday, we all went over to my Grandma's house to have an early Christmas celebration.  All in all, it was a good weekend.

This morning, as I got ready for work, I was listening to 100.7 The Wolf. I listen to their morning show every day while I get ready for work.  Today's morning show was different.  There was no show schedule or prizes to win, it was just an open discussion about what happened on Friday.  They refused to say the shooter's name on air and talked about the victims instead.  The host then took a minute to encourage everyone to pay it forward today, do something nice for a stranger.  There were a flood of calls from people who anonymously did something nice for a stranger this morning.  One person helped a stranger fix a flat tire on the side of the road, one woman bought small McDonald's gift cards to hand out to the homeless, others bought coffee for the next person in line behind them, others left large tips while getting breakfast this morning.

This morning while going to Starbucks, I decided that I would buy coffee for who ever was behind me in the drive thru this morning.  As I get up to the window, the barista said, the woman in front of you already paid for your coffee.  I was speechless for a second, she beat me to it.  How sweet of her.  I bought coffee for the woman in line behind me and I hope the chain of kindness continued on.  

Amazing how something as small as a two dollar Americano can completely make some one's day.  Maybe the guy in front of her bought her coffee, and she decided to pay it forward to me or maybe she was listening to the same radio show I was.  Either way though, she went out of her way for a complete stranger and bought my coffee this morning and I am so very thankful.

It doesn't take much to help out a stranger and to pay it forward, yet so many of us fail to do so.  I know I am guilty of this.  It is so easy to get caught up in your own little world, we forget to help others out.  Sometimes it is as simple as holding the door for someone, letting someone in on the freeway or tipping your barista a little more than usual.  A little kindness goes a long way.

On this rainy Monday, thanks to a complete stranger, my day is a little bit brighter.


My sister, Mom and I
5th Avenue Theatre
Gingerbread house
New gym shirt

Glass of wine on Friday night after shopping
Sadie girl
Got a package in the mail - I love groupon!

December 12, 2012

Gym Motivation of the Day

I packed a lunch today.  A salad, three hard boiled eggs and a banana.  Healthy, but quite boring.  I decided to go tanning at lunch and pick up fresh spring rolls.  Yes, I should have just stuck with my packed lunch, but I didn't.

I walk into the place and guess who is sitting at the table right next to the register? My ex boyfriend of several years, my first love.  Karma for not eating my packed lunch!

I have always wondered about the day I would run into him.  I haven't seen him since college and he recently got married.  Would I be jealous?  Would I want to run and hide? Would I talk to him?

Well, I was none of the above.  My first thought in my head was, thank goodness I am looking good today! I don't think he even noticed me, but I hope he did.  Its always weird seeing old boyfriends again, no matter how confident I feel about myself.  I always thought I would feel jealous and miss him if I ever saw him again.  But, I didn't.  I am at a good place in my life and very happy with myself.  I am confident in myself, I know what I deserve in a relationship and I am ok being single and just doing me for right now.  I am busy working on myself, I don't have time to be jealous of him or the fact he is married now.  Good for him, I am just not ready for that right now.

It got me thinking though.  My life would be so incredibly different had I stayed in that relationship.   I had no identity, heck, my identity was being his girlfriend.  I had no friends, no hobbies and was not motivated to get a good career.  I wouldn't live where I live, have the job I have or have my two gorgeous puppies. Just goes to show, every decision we make in life is for a reason and can really change what the future looks like.

Moments like this show me how well I am doing.  The more I learn about myself and gain confidence, I realize that I really like who I am.  I don't have to miss my past or be jealous over what my old boyfriends are doing.  I am confident that I am bettering myself so I can have a good future and be happy.

I am working out with my trainer tonight and really looking forward to it.  I want to continue feeling good and looking just as good as I feel.  One day I will meet a great guy and he will make me realize why it never worked out with anyone else.  But in the meantime, I am going to kick butt in the gym and have confidence that everything happens for a reason.

Tonight, this is what is motivating me:

1. I want to be happy.
2. I don't want to be afraid of the scale again.
3. I want to feel so confident about myself.
4. I don't want to be afraid of seeing old friends and ex boyfriends.
5. I like feeling this good about myself.
6. I want to keep rocking the striped shirts.
7. I want to have a reason to buy all new clothes.
8. I like lifting heavy weight.
9. I want to have muscles - that show.
10. I like being able to lift more than all the girls in the gym.
11. I want to be able to wear shorts and sun dresses during the summer.
12. I want to be happy with my weight.
13. I want to reach my goal.
14. I want this to be a lifestyle.
15. I want to be able to post before and after pictures - and actually see a difference.


The Number on the Scale

"The scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity.  That's it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength or love."

- Steve Maraboli

I went to the gym last night.  I ran two miles and did a quick leg workout. My knee is really hurting today, probably should have stuck to the elliptical last night instead.  Although it was only an hour long workout, I was sweating like crazy!  Long or short workout, anything is better than sitting at home and doing nothing!

I am feeling really good today.  I find myself wearing stripes more than I ever have in my life lately.      When you're overweight, the last thing you want to do is accentuate a round stomach.  I assumed that when I started to lose weight, my clothes would be hanging off of me.  Some of them do hang off of me, but some still fit.  It hit me this morning that my clothes didn't fit me before, they finally fit me now.  My clothes used to bust at the seams, literally.  I have so many clothes that have holes in them because they were too tight.  My clothes now fit like they are supposed to, snug, but not busting at the seams anymore.  I feel really good lately.  

After I wrote my blog post yesterday comparing last December to this December, it got me thinking, what do I weigh?  I know what I weighed last December, and goodness, its a large number I hope I never see again.  But what do I weigh now?  

When I started this journey back in September, I was weighing myself daily.  Heck, sometimes even twice a day. I was obsessed with the number.  Once I started working out daily, I gained six pounds.  I remember complaining to my trainer about it and she told me it was normal for your body to gain before it starts losing.  She told me to wait until the middle of December to weigh myself.

So here I am and it is the middle of December.  To weigh myself or to not weigh myself?  That is the question. I have always weighed much more than I think I look, so I am really nervous I am doing to be disappointed with the number.  What if I have only lost 5 lbs?  I guarantee I will be insanely disappointed and discouraged because I feel like I have been working really hard.  Am I ready to see the number and be happy and proud of myself no matter what it says?

Then, there is a part of me that says, WHO CARES what the scale says.  I am working hard, I am motivated and I feel good.  So what is the point of weighing myself right now if it might discourage me?  Back in October and November, I was so excited to step on the scale in December.  But, now that it's here, I kind of don't want to see the number.  

I absolutely love the quote above. The scale is a measurement of gravity.  It does not measure how beautiful a person is, if they are a nice person, if they are talented or work hard.  

I don't know when I am going to weigh myself, but I don't think I am quite ready to see the number on the scale.  I am afraid it is going to discourage me.


December 11, 2012

Gym Motivation of the Day

March 2011
This picture was taken in early 2011.  I was running daily, I felt good and I remember liking myself and feeling attractive.  It is crazy to think that I went from this, to the picture I posted in my last post in less than 8 months.  Pretty crazy how quickly your body changes when you eat poorly and stop exercising.

This is a great reminder of how quickly I can go back to how I was before I started exercising.  It takes much longer to see good progress than it does to revert back to how I once was.  Many people stop exercising over the holidays and give themselves an entire cheat month so they can enjoy whatever food they would like.

I can't take a month off, give myself a cheat month to allow myself to indulge.  Because if I do, I am going to quickly revert to the girl I was last year and I just can't do that.  The scary part of gaining weight is that its kind of hard to tell until its too late.  I went from in shape to completely fat in less than nine months and the worst part is, I didn't notice any weight gain until I was completely fat.  It is kind of scary that I didn't even notice.

Today, I am going to the gym.  Planning on doing the elliptical for at least 30 mins and do a legs workout.  My motivation is this picture above.  Not only do I want to get back to how I looked there, but I want to look even better than that.  I want to feel good in my own skin again.  I want to feel attractive and have tons of confidence in myself.  I haven't felt attractive in a very long time.

My fear of going back to how I used to be is more motivation than anything else in the world.

Time to kick some butt!


A Smile is the Prettiest Thing You Can Wear

I had a great workout with my trainer last night.  We did a lot of squats, side lunges, bicep curls, tricep kick backs, shoulder press and core work.  I am feeling stronger and I am able to lift heavier weights than I could before.

Last week one of the girls said, 'Looks like we have a new star student in the class'.  I wasn't sure if she was joking or what not.  But, I almost felt like I needed to hold back and just lift low weights like everyone else.  Most of the women bicep curl with 3-5 lb weights, yet I do 15 lbs.  I am not doing 15 lbs to show off, I am doing them because I can and I want to push myself.  Although, for a split second I wanted to hold myself back and fit in with the rest, I quickly changed my mind.

I have a goal.  Be happy and get in shape.  Lifting 3 lb weights is not going to get me to my goal very quickly.  I remembered that I can't let someone's opinion hold me back from getting where I want to be.  I am working hard and "showing off" for myself, to get to my goal.

I was looking through old pictures and I found a couple that made my jaw drop, not in a good way.   Last December, I was at my highest weight. I remember how awful I felt about myself.  I used to just hang out with my boyfriend at the time, hide away in my apartment because I was so embarrassed of how I looked.  I also was friends with a coworker who was rapidly gaining weight too, so we would go out to lunch everyday and eat doughnuts for breakfast. My eating habits were awful and I just felt helpless.  Last year, the thought of getting together for Christmas and taking family pictures would send me into complete panic.  I hated it.  Although I couldn't avoid the pictures, I refused to look at them.  One day, I remember checking Facebook and my Mom had posted the pictures and tagged me in every single one of them.  I was in a complete panic.  I remember calling my Mom, screaming at her to take the pictures down, asking why the hell she would do that to me.  She untagged me, but left the photos up.  I was mortified.

December 2011
December 2011
New Year's Eve 2011
Looking back on those pictures now, I can understand why I was mortified.  I was big.  I don't think I realized how big I was until right this minute.  I look awful.  I question if I really look that much different than I did last year at this time.  I know I weigh a lot less than I did, but some days, I still feel like I look just the same as I did last December.

These pictures remind me why I am working so hard.  I never, ever, ever, ever want to look that way again.  No wonder my confidence was so low.  I feel better than ever, even if I don't look that much different than I did.  I am working out daily and eating better.  I feel good about myself and what I see in the mirror.  I find myself talking to more people lately, I think I am finally beginning to look more approachable.  People talk to me in the grocery store now, I am making friends with my neighbors, I make eye contact with people and smile.  I don't feel the need to hide in my apartment and eat anymore.

I took these pictures last night and this morning.  I have no idea what my weight is or how much I have lost, but I do know that as of September, I was 20 lbs lighter than last year.  I know I weigh less than I did in September, just not sure how much.  I feel so much better about myself and find myself smiling more than I ever have.

I feel good.  I feel happier than I have in a long time.  I have made a lot of progress and I still have a long ways to go.


December 10, 2012

Gym Motivation of the Day

Each year around Christmas and New Years, I begin to kind of review the last year.  What happened? What did I accomplish? What changes did I make? What is my resolution going to be for the next year?

I remember this time last year.  I had been recently confronted about my weight by my family, I was in a relationship that I was comfortable in and I was doing a job where I felt bored.  I think everyone gets to a point in life where they are comfortable but slightly bored.  I wanted 2012 to be MY year.  My goals for 2012 were to lose weight, get engaged, get a new place, find a new job and buy a new car.

Although I had several New Year's resolutions, my number one resolution was to lose weight - just like every year before. So, I went out and bought the HCG diet.  Eat 500 calories (or less) a day while taking these drops.  Sure, I lost 20 pounds fairly quick, but I also quickly gained it all back.  I was dating a guy who didn't work out and who enjoyed eating ding dongs, poptarts and pringles.  Very hard to eat healthy and go to the gym when my significant other  chowed on McDonalds and relaxed at home.

Throughout the year, I got a new job which I absolutely love, I bought my dream car, decided to stay in my current apartment and I also left my boyfriend.  Around summer time, I was pretty convinced that I was not going to lose weight this year, just too hard.  Figured I would enter 2013 being just as fat and miserable as I was.  It gets to the point where I felt like I had tried everything in order to lose weight. Oh wait, I never tried actual diet and exercise.

When I was with my last boyfriend, it honestly was hard to sacrifice my evenings for the gym because it was the only time I was able to see him.  But now that I am single, I have all the time in the world to go to the gym and do my thing.  To be honest, that is one of my biggest fears about dating again, having to give up my nights in the gym and being with someone who doesn't workout.

The one thing that really keeps me motivated is the fact that I never want to have to make a New Year's resolution to lose weight again.  Every year I am miserable and tell myself I am going to do something about it, and I always give up.  I am getting smaller, I am enjoying the gym, I don't feel like a miserable person anymore.  A few months ago, I thought I had no accomplishments. I feel so differently now.

I can run 4.5 miles without stopping (a month ago, it was barely a half mile).  I can bike hills for a straight hour without slowing down. Two months ago, I could lift 10 lbs for a bicep curl, I can now do 15 lbs with ease.  I actually enjoy deadlifts and lifting heavy weight. I fit into my skinny jeans that I bought in September.  My suede boots are so loose that they won't even stay up when I walk.  I was able to fit into leather knee high boots.  My workout clothes are becoming too big for me.  I eat healthy and look at labels now.  I am single and completely ok with it.  I feel more confident in myself.

These things keep me motivated.  I want to end 2012 strong and I want to be the best I can be.  I am really proud I started this journey back in September.  Today, this is what is motivating me to kick butt with my trainer tonight.

2013 is MY year.