November 5, 2012

Don't Let the Odds Stop You

The odds were against me this weekend.  Started my weekend off with a migraine.  Saturday morning I went to the gym and had a really good workout.   I ran errands and spent time with my dogs.  Saturday night, I went to Costco with my Mom and had a filet mignon dinner with her.  That night, I went home and baked some gluten free cookies.  It called for one egg, and the only eggs I had were a little old.  I figured since they would be baked, and it was only one egg, I would be fine.  Boy, was I wrong.  Woke up in the middle of the night puking my brains out. Yuck.

Sunday morning, I woke up feeling a little better but my stomach was still a little uneasy.  I debated going to the gym for a solid hour.  Back and fourth and eventually I decided to suck it up and get my butt to the gym.  I wanted to do the elliptical, but my inner knees instantly started hurting.  Bummer.  So I biked instead.  I only spent 45 minutes at the gym because my stomach and knees were hurting.  After the gym I headed to my Mom's house.  Nothing I said or did was right, and my Mom and sister were not afraid to let me know.  I asked my sister to go shopping, but she said she was way too sick to leave the house.  I headed out and did my shopping alone, only to find out she went to hang out with her boyfriend instead.  I vented to my Mom about how bummed I was my sister bailed on me, AGAIN, for her boyfriend.  She then went off on me about how it was my fault.  I tried to tell my Mom, it doesn't matter if its right or wrong, either way I feel hurt.  I have no relationship with my Dad, barely one with my brother.  Painful to think I am losing it with my sister now too.  I am clearly the common denominator here.

As I am working on the relationships in my life, I am realizing the relationships with my family members might be more toxic than any other ones in my life.  I have spent my life putting up with the way they talk down to me, and I have let those standards roll into my other relationships.  Allowing boyfriends and friends use me and talk down to me, and I have been taught not to say anything and just deal with it.  I am learning to be more honest, speak up.  I think it is easier with friends, you can just choose not to be around them.  But with family, it is a little different.  I don't want to shut them out of my life, but I am realizing it is ok to tell them when they are hurting my feelings and when its not ok to treat me a certain way.

People will treat you the way you allow them.  If you allow someone to talk down to you and you never say anything, then you are basically saying its ok.  In my attempt to speak up yesterday, they  went off on me.  But, I am proud of myself for removing myself from the situation.

I went shopping alone, bought a bunch of cute Christmas decorations for my place and a new clock. I really enjoy my own company lately, so even when all the odds are against me, I am able to remain at peace with myself.  I would usually go crazy knowing everyone was busy and I had to hang out alone.  But now, I am ok with it.  I am able to keep busy and just enjoy my own company.  Every day, every weekend, they aren't always going to go the way you want them to.  You just can't let them get to you.  This weekend didn't go as planned, but I just can't let it get in my way of my goals and where I want to be.

The odds were not in my favor this weekend, but I still managed to get in my workouts and be happy.

Jess

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