November 14, 2012

I'm Single - And Its Ok

I graduated from college two years ago with a double major in Finance and Economics.  I loved everything about college.  Late week nights at the library followed by late nights at the bars on the weekends. I was working two jobs and taking a full course load and attempted to have a social life at the same time.  Life was so crazy but I loved every second of it.  After four years of craziness, I was happy to be done.  I got a big girl job, moved into my own place and got a dog.  I began to have so much free time and didn't even know what to do with myself.  No one tells you how hard it is to adjust to the real world after college.  All of the people you get close to in your classes move away, get jobs, go get their masters and many, get married.

My Facebook went from pictures of parties and people having fun to engagement pictures, weddings and babies.  Once college is done, there is so much pressure to grow up, settle down and start a family.  Most of my friends either have boyfriends or are married with children.  The pressure to get into a relationship, get married and settle down feels so huge.

So, in my desperate attempt to settle down like everyone else, I got a boyfriend a year and a half ago.  He was ok.  He had none of the things I thought I wanted in someone.  He didn't have a good job, was not financially stable, never went to college, lived at home and was ten years older than me and frankly, we literally had nothing in common.  He hated everything I liked and I hated everything he liked.  Opposites attract, right? Wrong. Shouldn't that have been enough to convince myself he wasn't for me?

A year went by and I became more and more miserable.  I gave up everything I liked and all the people I used to hang out with because he didn't like those people or the things I liked.  I compromised my entire identity to be with someone I didn't even really like.  I liked the idea of him, but not him.  He moved in and I became trapped.  I even convinced myself I wanted to marry this guy.  Why?  Because I liked the idea.

Thankfully, one morning he told me he wasn't happy.  I asked him if he was going to leave and he said, "No. It is easier to stay here".  Easier?  Oh hell no.  It wasn't until I realized that he was settling for me that  I realized I was settling for him.  And instantly, I knew he wasn't for me and he moved out that night.

Sad to me that I was willing to settle for him, but the idea of him settling for me wasn't ok.  No one should ever settle for anything less than they deserve, not even me. So there I was, and still am, single. I was so damn desperate that I was willing to compromise who I am, what I like, my friends, my family and everything I stand for...for A GUY. A STUPID GUY.

NEVER AGAIN.  

I realized last night, this is the first time in my life that I don't feel desperate.  I am ok being single.  I am ok with being patient and waiting for the right person, the person that I don't have to compromise who I am for.  The person who will love me exactly how I am, flaws and all.  Isn't it worth the wait?  I was willing to give myself up to be like everyone else, settled down and married. There are so many people in this world, why settle for one who isn't a good match?

I am finally realizing that I have the rest of my life to find that one person.  Being single and HAPPY is better than being in a relationship and MISERABLE.  I am enjoying just being me right now, not having to pretend to be someone I'm not.  I enjoy just being home by myself now, not feeling like I constantly have to be texting and talking to someone.  I can be alone, my company is good company.

I am single.  I am happy.  And for the very first time in my life, I feel content being single and just being me.

Jess

6 comments:

  1. Jess, Good for you. The time will come and you will find an individual that is right for you.

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  2. Good for you! It's hard being the single one, but sometimes it's for the best. If you're a happy person on your own, more people will be drawn to you! That's what I'm told, at least.

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    1. Thank you! Yes, it is hard...always being the third wheel! But, in the end, I am sure it will all be worth it!

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  3. Hey I know it sucks when your single...been there. Hang in there it will happen when it happens...funny thing now that you have published this post you will prolly find someone right away hehehe

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    1. Who knows :) I will be patient in the meantime!

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