November 21, 2012

Gym Motivation of the Day

I got off work early today, so I am going to the gym early too.

Usually in these posts I ramble on about what is motivating me.

Right now, I have nothing.

Found out my Dad had a surgery today, I don't know the details.  All I know is the surgery did not go well and the doctor's say things are much worse than they thought. He has to go in for another surgery next week.

This is the moment I have been dreading for the last two years. The moment when I regret not talking to him or seeing him. Feeling pretty awful right now.  Its funny because 20 minutes ago I could have listed a million reasons why I am upset with him and why I have been avoiding him.  But right now, none of those reasons seem to matter and I just feel like I won Lousy Daughter of the Year award.

I hate that I have to go through my sister to get all of my information about him and that I can't just pick up the phone and call him to see how he is.

Guilt.

Regret.

Shame.

Those are the reasons I am heading to the gym.

Jess

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