November 12, 2012

Gym Motivation of the Day

It was a year ago, almost to the day, that my family confronted me about my weight.  I was helping my Mom and sister cook and prep for Thanksgiving.  I was getting warm so I took off my sweatshirt and just wore a tank top with my apron. As I continued cooking, my Mom mentioned my weight.  Talked about how much weight I had gained compared to how I looked in my college graduation pictures.  She told me she wasn't trying to be mean, but just wanted to make sure I was aware of it.  I wanted to run, scream, hide and never come out.  Instead, I laughed it off, told her I was aware and tried to drop the subject.  Every time I see my family, they always make a comment about my weight, or the calories in anything I eat.

I felt so humiliated and still do.  I understand she was just being honest and trying to help me, but dang, those comments really do a number to my confidence. I think this is why I want to make my Mom proud, I just want her to say, "Wow Jess, you look really good".  Everyone in my life has taken notice of my lifestyle change, has told me my motivation is inspiring.  But my family has not.  The only people that I really want to notice.  I don't know how long it will take for them to be proud of me and take notice on how hard I am working, but I promise you it will happen.

No matter if they are proud or not, I am proud of myself.  I work out every day, I am learning to be conscious of what I eat and I am happier everyday.  Today, someone sent out a picture of everyone at the lunch on Friday.  My head is to the side and I am not facing the camera, and to my surprise, I don't have a double chin, I have a jaw line. My hard work is paying off and for that, I am proud.

Today, I am working out with my trainer.  My motivation feels strong today.  Seeing little bits of progress here and there help keep me on track.  My muscles are becoming more visible, my slacks are bagging in the crotch and in the butt, I spend most of my day pulling up my pants, my neck is becoming thinner, my triceps are actually muscular, my shoulders look strong in a tank top, my core is tight and I feel so much better about myself.  When I am stressed now, I want to go workout, not eat.  I love feeling the burn of a good workout and walking out the the gym covered in sweat.

I am proud of myself and I know, one day, my Mom will be proud too.

Today, this is what is motivating me to get to the gym:

1. I actually want to workout.
2. I want to see more results.
3. I want to make my Mom proud.
4. I want to notice more results.
5. I can't wait to be able to buy smaller clothes.
6. I feel better after a good workout.
7. I like being able to tell people I workout everyday.
8. I have to skip tomorrows workout.
9. I want to wear my skinny jeans.
10. I want to fit into my winter Northface jacket.

Jess

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