November 26, 2012

Confidence, Creatine and Change

This weekend was good. Very good.

I baked my Thankful Rolls and filled all 56 rolls with things my family and I were thankful for.  On Thanksgiving, my original plan was to hit the gym before it closed at noon and then bake my rolls.  I was really stressed about time and making it over to my Mom's house on time, so I decided to bake the rolls and workout at home.  I think I surprised myself with how hard I was able to workout at home.  I did squats, deadlifts, worked my biceps, triceps, shoulders and core.  After all of my rolls were finished baking and I was done with my workout, I got myself all ready for my Mom's.

Last time I was with my family, I felt fat and so incredibly self conscious. My goal was to feel comfortable and confident.  I spent extra time on my hair and makeup, chose an outfit that I liked and felt good in.  I am happy to report that I felt really good about myself while with my family.  I didn't feel self conscious or insecure.  I just felt like myself and felt pretty confident.

I worked out every day this weekend.  The protein I have been using has suddenly been giving me major stomach cramps.  I bought some new whey protein and I am hoping the stomach cramps go away soon! I have also added in creatine based on a recommendation by a friend.  After doing my research, I decided to give it a try.  My goal is to lose fat but also gain muscle.  I don't want to look like a skinny twelve year old boy when I am done losing weight.  I want to be lean and muscular.  I have other friends who thought I was crazy to add creatine when I am trying to lose weight, telling me I will bulk up like a body builder.  The research I did said that creatine is ok to take when trying to lose weight and build muscle and that it works differently in men and women. It will help me build muscle, which in turn, helps burn more fat cells.  Also, it will help give me more energy and endurance during my workouts to help burn more calories.  If I end up not liking the results, I can always stop taking it.  But for now, I am liking my insane workouts.  I was able to bike at a much higher resistance for a longer amount of time and I was able to lift more weight.  So far, I am liking it, but we will see.

I am also proud to say I ate fairly good all weekend. My trainer always tells me to never deprive myself of the things I want, just tell yourself that you can have them on the weekends only.  I had a glass of wine this weekend and I had potatoes and chocolate.  The cool thing was, instead of gorging myself on potato chips and fries, I grilled potatoes and dipped them in tofu sour cream.  I only had a couple Hershey kisses, not the entire bag.  Since I have increased the amount of protein in my diet and I have been watching my carbs, I really don't have the urge to eat like I used to.  I am beginning to look at food as fuel, not as something to do when I am bored.  I am proud that I am making healthier choices.  I am working out way to hard to poison my body with Cheetos and potato chips.

This weekend made me realize that this whole journey is a process.  Change takes time and isn't going to happen over night.  I am learning to give myself a pat on the back no matter how big or little the accomplishment is.  I am working really hard and deserve recognition from myself.  Feeling confident at Thanksgiving, limiting my carbs, working out even on a holiday - those are things that I can be proud of.  These things motivate me to keep going and to not give up.  I am making such good progress! Just because it's a holiday and a long weekend, it is no excuse to take a break.  I want more accomplishments like this and the harder I work, the closer I will be to achieving my goals.

Another thing, I texted my Dad this weekend.  He told me about his surgery, what was wrong with him and I told him to keep me updated and that I hope everything gets better for him.  I really didn't want to text him.  It gets to the point where I haven't talked to him in so long, I almost didn't want to break the streak.  Sounds lame, I know.  But, I sucked up my pride and texted him anyways knowing that I would probably regret it if I didn't. I don't know if he even cared to hear from me, but I feel good knowing I did the right thing.

This weekend was a good one.  Relaxed, went to bed early, spent time with family and at the gym. I was able to spend a lot of time with my cute little dogs.  I may not have seen any new changes in the way my body looks this weekend, but feeling confident, working out, making healthy eating decisions and talking to my Dad make this weekend one to be proud of.

Change is not going to happen over night.  This journey is a process, one that will take lots of patience and dedication.  But I am proud of my progress and I am really liking the person I am becoming.

Jess

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