October 11, 2012

Somebody's Heartbreak


"If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak
If you're gonna be somebody's mistake

If you're gonna be somebody's first time,
Somebody's last time, baby be mine
If you're lookin to be somebody's just friends,
A little laughin, little lovin, never callin again, that's just fine
If you're gonna be somebody's heartbreak
Be mine, yeah
Oh, be mine"


Do you ever listen to a song and feel like the song was written specifically for you?  Its like the lyrics say exactly how you are feeling.  Well, I had one of these moments today.  Hunter Hayes - Somebody's Heartbreak. Love the song, until I listened to the lyrics.  The song is about wanting someone so bad that you will have them anyway they'll take you, even if it results in your own heartbreak. Heartbreak, mistake, first time, last time, just friends, doesn't matter, just be mine. 


I swear, this song was written about me.  Falling so hard that you'll lose yourself just to be with them. As I have been taking inventory of my life and figuring out what I need to change within myself, I catch myself doing this.  Doing anything someone wants to please them, even if it will only hurt me in the end. 


If you change for someone just in order for them to like you more, the relationship with never last.  You cannot pretend to be someone forever, frankly, that would be exhausting. This song kind of reminds me of that.  Being someone else, doing crazy things and being so desperate for someone that you'll do whatever just to be with them. At one time or another, I think we all have done this for someone just to end up with a broken heart and mad at ourselves.


I know I cannot change myself over night and I also know I will probably always have these urges to give up everything for someone I like. But, I am really thankful I am able to realize this now and I can catch myself before I do something ridiculous.  I am starting to listen to myself more, the voice inside my head is becoming a little louder everyday.  This voice allows me to recognize what makes me happy and what I want to do. The more you listen to yourself, like yourself and do what makes you happy, you are less likely to give up everything for someone else.  


I feel like my happiness levels are rising everyday.  I go home, I workout and I do what I want to do. I am able to pin point areas of my life I am unhappy with and then focus on what I can do to change it. 


For example, I know couponing makes me happy.  Who doesn't love free money? I also know that I am very unhappy with my style right now, I don't feel very proud of the way I look.  So last night, I couponed and found some really cute clothes to improve my look.  I found $80 slacks for work and was able to order them from The Limited for only $24. Awesome deal.  I also was able to pair my coupons with a sale at Famous Footwear and get $200 black tall leather boots for only $79 dollars.  At Kohls, I found this awesome grey scarf that will look great with a black top, skinny jeans and my new boots.  


Little things like couponing and spicing up my wardrobe really help me feel good about myself.  Being able to pin point where I am not happy and making changes is really helping me love myself more.  When you love yourself, its possible to just be content on your own, without relying on other people.  There is no need to be desperate for someone's attention, because you are completely content all on your own.  And come on, who doesn't love a confident woman?


All in all, this song reminded me where I once was and makes me proud of where I am.  On my journey to loving myself just the way I am and being content all on my own.  


Jess

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