October 1, 2012

Pulling the Weeds

"You cannot grow the way you want if you don't pull the weeds of your disappointments and failures." - Jinny S. Ditzler 'Your Best Year Yet'

This line caught my attention. Interesting way of looking at things. Weed out your disappointments and failures in order to make room for more accomplishments and things to be proud of.  Today I am working on making my list of disappointments.  It is interesting. The more I think about my disappointments, my shortcomings and failures, I feel more weight on my shoulders.  Amazing how  much these things stress us out and really weigh us down.  But the cool thing is, no one else knows our troubles.  They cannot see all of our baggage that we carry around with us on a daily basis. So we can quietly unload our luggage without anyone even knowing.

I find this thought quite comforting. No one knows, no one is judging me. I often assume everyone judges me and everyone knows where I am slacking off. But, ironically, 'everyone' is just me, myself and I.  I am the only one who judges me, puts me down and has no confidence in what I am able to accomplish.  Just me. No one else.

As much as I hate the fact that I do this to myself, I am relieved that I am learning ways to overcome this and gaining the power to make changes in my life.  So, here is my list of disappointments:

My Disappointments

  1. I didn't lose as much weight as I wanted
  2. I didn't save as much money as I wanted
  3. I am single
  4. I didn't go on any vacations this summer
  5. I have very few hobbies
  6. I lost important friendships
  7. I have no relationship with my Dad anymore and am pretty bitter about him
  8. I didn't get back into running
  9. I didn't eat as healthy as I would have liked
  10. I didn't take golf lessons this summer like I wanted
  11. I didn't play with my dogs as much or take them to puppy school
  12. I haven't bought the new furniture I was hoping to get
  13. I allow myself to depend on others to make me happy and to do things with
  14. I feel like I have nothing to be proud of, no accomplishments
  15. I feel very unattractive
  16. I feel bitter about others successes
  17. I don't feel motivated
...Funny how they all begin with "I"...

After looking at this list, I have realized there are some disappointments I don't want to change. For example, I am not ready to change the relationship with my Dad. Neither he or I are in the right place to make positive changes.  I am not ready for a relationship with him right now.  So maybe this is something I need to learn to let go of. Not forever, but at least for right now.  If I am not ready, then I am simply just not ready.  Letting go of this will lift it off of me so I can quit beating myself up for it.

It's strange. Just by typing the words "let go" gave me a huge sense of relief.  Initially I thought the purpose of writing this list was to turn them all into goals and make them accomplishments in the future. But maybe, it is just to face your disappointments head on and decide if you are going to let go of them or make changes to accomplish them.

Everything on my list is in my control. If I want to eat healthier, I can eat healthier.  If I want to save more money, I can spend less money.  If I want to lose weight, I can eat healthier and workout.  If I want to go on vacation, I can save money and take time off work.  These are all in my control. I can do any of the things on this list if I really want to.

Next step, analyzing the list and pulling out the weeds to make room for growth.



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