October 1, 2012

I Need to Vent

I don't know where to start or what to write, but I feel the need to vent right now. Anyone who knows me will tell you I am very caring. I have always taken that as a compliment.  But as I have dug deep the last few days, I am realizing that caring too much can be a major curse. I find that I care about everyone else, but I lack to care about myself.

The guy I have been crushing on finally texted. And what do you know...he had a million and one reasons why he couldn't text me all weekend or see me.  His phone was dead and he couldn't charge it until Sunday night. I think I smell BS.  He told me all about his weekend and never asked how mine was.  Why can't I just realize that I deserve so much more than this?!

I deserve someone who wants to talk to me, wants to see me, will go out of their way to make me happy...someone who will do the things for me that I do for them.  I feel like I am on this roller coaster. I know I can choose to get off the ride at any time, yet for some reason, I make the decision to go for another loop. WHY? Each time I think it is going to be different, but it is always the same.  I end up being mad at myself for doing this over and over.  Why can't I value myself enough to just move on and find someone who likes me the way I like them?

I wish I knew how to stop this. He has so much control over my emotions, it is absolutely ridiculous. 

At this point, I have no solution to my problem. I have checked my phone a million times while writing this post. I will add this to my list of disappointments and find a solution/goal to work towards.

18. I allow others to have complete control over my emotions.

I suppose realizing that this is a huge problem for me, is the first step to making a change.

Jess

1 comments:

  1. I usually just look at your blog because they r so motivating but decided to browse older ones that I haven't seen. Do really know y this one caught my eye but I'm curious. I'll leave it short right now to see if u comment back

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