October 29, 2012

Gym Motivation of the Day

I would like to think that everyone is a little insecure about something about themselves.  I just have to believe I am not the only one that feels this way about myself.  I could write a very long list about all of the things I dislike about myself. I am learning to love who I am as a person, but sometimes I just don't feel like the person I am on the inside is reflected on the outside.

I just am ready to have the body I am working for, ready to leave these insecurities behind and move on.  But it gets me thinking, is anyone ever fully satisfied with the way they look and feel?  Am I always going to feel like there is room for improvement?  I am really trying to avoid saying "I'll be confident and happy when I have the body I want" because I feel like that may never come.  I am a perfectionist, I want to look perfect and be perfect.  But, does perfect even exist? If I hold off being confident until I have the perfect body, I think I will be holding off forever because there is no such thing as perfect.  I am always going to want to be better, and I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing as long as I can be happy and confident with myself no matter what I look like.

I have good and bad days lately.  Some days I feel so incredibly good and really feel like I look better, but other days, I feel huge.  I made the mistake of stepping on the scale this morning. Sure, I didn't gain weight, but I definitely didn't lose weight either.  I am still six pounds up from where I was a month ago before I started working out consistently.  It makes me want to scream.  What the heck am I doing wrong?! I am working my butt off every day and I am starting to see certain muscles I couldn't see before.  I just get so fixated on the fact I want instant results.  It took a long time for me to get to where I am now, its not going to just go away overnight.  And in the meantime, hating myself and feeling ashamed of the fact I let myself go isn't helping me.  No matter what I look like, I am still Jess. I am the same person, no matter what I look like.  That brings me a little comfort.  People who like me for who I am and what I am about, they will not care what I look like on the outside.  And...If I like myself for who I am and what I am about, I will be able to have confidence still.  I think I have always thought that being confident was all about how you carry yourself physically.  But I am slowly learning that confidence comes from within and radiates out.  A girl who is confident with who she is as a person, she tends to look confident on the outside.

I think you get to the point you are so incredibly sick of feeling unattractive and weighed down that you just want it gone...like NOW. Just have to remind myself to be patient.  I will get to my goal eventually, but it is going to take time whether I like it or not. Giving up just isn't an option.

Today, this is what is getting my butt to the gym:

1. I hate feeling fat.
2. I want to feel attractive again.
3. I am way to young to let myself go.
4. I like running, I want to be able to run more.
5. I want to throw away my fat clothes and fit into all my old clothes.
6. I want to be able to date, and feel confident doing so.
7. I want to be confident in myself.
8. I want to be less stressed and more at ease about things.
9. Mad I skipped my workout yesterday, not doing that again today.
10. If I want results to come faster, I need to work harder.
11. I refuse to see the same number on the scale next time I step on it.
12. I want my family to be proud.
13. I hate being the biggest sibling.
14. I just want to feel good finally.

Last but not least,

15. I want this so bad that it literally makes me angry sometimes.  I refuse to live like this anymore.

Jess

1 comments:

  1. I don't think people lose insecurities when they lose weight. People who lose weight "to be happy" only become skinny unhappy people

    The weight didn't cause your insecurity and unhappiness. More than likely the weight came FROM those insecurities and unhappiness. And if all you do is torture yourself to lose the weight you'll end up more miserable than before. You'll be unhappy and unable to even eat a cupcake as consolation

    But what makes you different is your motivation. You want to feel good about yourself and regain the joy and happiness that running brought you. You want to shed the selfish friends and unhealthy relationships that drove you to this point. You want to look as attractive as you already KNOW you are. And I hope you remember that everyday. I hope the confidence you gain from weight loss is the confidence of accomplishment, knowing you can do anything you put your mind to, knowing how strong of a person you are. And the fact you also end up looking amazing? Simply an added bonus

    I very much look forward to reading the blog post raving about your amazing scale results. But I'm very much enjoying the current ones raving about positive life choices and becoming a happier and better person. Keep it up!

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