April 26, 2010

Lost Love

I have not updated my blog in quite some time now. There has been many changes in my life that I should probably update you on :).

To be honest, I have lost my desire for running. I let the people who I surround myself with convince me that I am not good enough, not strong enough and not fast enough. When I signed up for the Eugene Marathon back in November, I thought that I would have tons of support and possibly a running partner, but honestly, nothing changed. I really shouldn't have listened to what other people said and should have looked a running group for support. On top of this, I allowed running to get further and further down on my list to do. Running was once a hobby, my passion, my escape. The moment I signed up for my marathon, running instantly became a chore. Training was something I had to do, not something I wanted to do.

I signed up for the Eugene Marathon when I had a fractured shin. I thought that I would have plenty of time to recover and train for the marathon since it was six months away. Before my shin fracture, I could run an 8 mile minute no problem. After the fracture, I had a hard time running an 11 minute mile. And boom, my love for running when out the door. Running became instantly hard. Getting winded after one mile was horrible. Instead of trying harder, I decided to give up.

I am sad to say, I will not be running the Eugene Marathon this weekend. But honestly, I don't want to run this marathon. I wish they would cancel the marathon so I can get rid of the guilt. But I am happy to say that I am determined to find my love for running again. I am not going to let the excuses above stop me this time. I don't think I will be signing up for another marathon anytime soon, but I can promise, I WILL run a marathon!

In the past few months, I have stopped using Twitter and this blog because I was so incredibly embarrassed about my running, or lack there of. But, I am coming back. Twitter was the one place I could always look to for running advice and support. I am determined to find my love for running, because honestly, life is better as a runner :)

4 comments:

  1. welcome back with a running aim in your mind. I'm happy you are trying to find your right motivational by your own. :)

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  2. Welcome back! Maybe you just needed a break. I am sure there are plenty in my circle who think I shouldn't run. They tell tales of injuries and problems in older age. Sometimes you have to do what is right for you. Definitely find a running group. They will be the support and cheerleaders that you need!

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  3. Find yourself a laid back running group or club and just run for fun. YOu will be back up to speed before you know it.

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  4. one of the things I like about running is that I'm only competing with myself. It doesn't matter to me what anyone else does. Running is a way for me to improve. It give me small challenges to overcome, and teaches me to be better and gives me strength to believe in myself.

    I'm hearing two issues - one mental, one physical. I think they both have the same solution: Reset your mind. The people you surround yourself with, made you doubt yourself. Forget they ever said it. It doesn't matter. That was their opinion, and not truth. Also, don't compare your ability now with before the injury. Reset your expectation. More importantly, give yourself a break. Start off by running just to run. Don't think about the outcome. Perhaps find a route that you don't normally run to explore. After a few weeks, determine a new baseline and go from there.

    I hope that helps. Happy trails!

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