September 28, 2009

Sticks and Stones

I received a couple emails asking why my blog was not working correctly and why it was asking for an 'invitation". Well, I took my blog down last night. While I was taking a bath last night resting my legs, I received a text message. This text message said I was a "liar", looking for "attention" and that I "needed help". This text message was from someone who I thought would be behind me 100%, have my back and that should be encouraging me. This was the one person I was so excited to tell that I had ran 300 miles. That I have worked so hard, killed my legs to accomplish. To receive this text crushed me. Unfortunately, in the future when I look back on this blog and my accomplishments, I will always remember this text message that rained on my parade.

I went to bed at 7 pm and just stared at the ceiling. Not going to lie, I was so hurt and still am. Do I wear running shoes for looks, do I splash water on my face when I come home from a run to pretend like I was running?! Do I wear a fuel belt and compression socks to look cool? I don't get it! I laid there thinking for a long time. I didn't sleep at all. My alarm went off at 6 am, and then it hit me.

I do not run for anyone other than myself. If someone doesn't want to believe me when I say I ran 300 miles, then so be it. I run for myself, I run for clarity, I run for happiness. I don't have to prove to anyone that I am a runner. I am not going to let this person take this away from me. I accomplished something I never thought I could. This blog is not for "attention from my cyber friends" like this person thinks. I write this blog to track my personal progress. I like to read back over posts and look at my ups and down and then use it for motivation. If you think this blog is a lie and false, then don't read it, simple as that. I write this blog for me, not for anyone else. I honestly don't care what other people think, I run for myself. Like I have said many times before, running is a selfish sport, get over it. I took this blog down and almost deleted it last night. But why in the world would I let one person ruin all of this for me. Ask anyone I know and they will tell you I love my blog. One person will not ruin all of my progress and hard work. I will push forward harder than ever.

I have thought long and hard about the Seattle Marathon. I have put off signing up for it for quite sometime now. My nerves get to me every time I attempt to sign up. Its like I have been waiting for a sign, or the right time. Well, what better time than now? Its time to prove to this person that I am a gosh darn runner. I am going to sign up for the Seattle Marathon this week. Maybe, just maybe, this person will finally be proud of me. I don't know why I feel like I have to prove myself to this person, but I always have and probably always will.

I will be signing up for the Seattle Marathon later today. I will continue to run and continue to work hard. In the end, I run for me and me alone.

8 comments:

  1. "I run for me and me alone."

    This is the best part of running, and perhaps why some will never, ever be able to comprehend it. Does not matter nor should it.

    Congrats on the marathon commitment. When you cross that finish line it will be the start of a lifetime.

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  2. Great 2 posts Jess! Congratulations on reaching your goal. Don't let it all get to you I know it is hurtful but you alone did it! Don't let it take the wind out of your sails! Go get 'em in the marathon! Know you got support out there!!!

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  3. Hey Jess, I am so happy you didn't just delete your blog. I love reading it and I already told you and i say it again, you are a great motivation.
    As u said the blog is for you, you can say and do whatever you want, it is to no One to tell you, you said this and you said that.

    Courage for the marathon!

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  4. I'm so happy you didn't delete your blog, especially since I only just came across it today. I want to start running myself, and your blog is a total inspiration.

    Eff the lot of them! More power to you!!

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  5. I find it unfathomable that another runner (my assumption) could be so petty and cruel to diminish your accomplishment. I'm sure it still stings, but your pride in ripping out 300 miles I hope will see you through.

    Keep going. Own it. Love it. Believe it.

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  6. people suck. plain and simple. and bullies are bullies no matter what the age. it's a lot harder to put yourself out there than people would think. cut out the negative, there are enough people in your life (cyber and physically) that you don't have to put up with that drama. run for you. you run, you're a runner.

    don't think of this as tarnished, think of this a yet another thing you have overcome on the way to kicking some major mileage butt!

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  7. Seattle Half...watch out for JRTRUNR!! Don't be discouraged, you CAN do it.

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