August 27, 2009

I ♥ Nike

You know what I like? Clothes. When I get a new pair of jeans or a new shirt, I feel like I have an extra spring in my step. Although I may be the only one who knows I am wearing a new shirt, I still feel like a million bucks. Same goes for running clothes. I may be wrong, but I am pretty convinced that new running shirts/shorts make me run faster. Although I am not one of those girls that puts makeup on before I work out, I still like to look good on my runs. Running clothes make me feel good and make me feel better on my runs. I bought new Nike shorts this week as well as a new Nike shirt. New running clothes help me look forward to my runs because I can't wait to wear the new gear! I love looking through my running gear. I can relate each shirt to a different run, they all contain different memories.

When I first started running, I thought running was going to be such an expensive sport. My shoes alone were $150. I was attracted to running in the first place because it was free. I didn't have to pay for a trainer or pay for a class. All I had to do was open my front door and go. The more I got into running, I needed the Nike+, I needed tanks, tights, jackets, socks, Zensah's, CEP's and a fuel belt. Yikes. I don't have a money tree growing in my backyard. I like Nike. Their clothes fit great and I know they will last because they are good quality clothes. I have started looking for Nike gear at Nordstrom Rack, Ross, Marshall's, TJ Maxx. Success! I got my Nike tights for 15 dollars at Nordstrom Rack along with shorts for 15 and a Nike top for 7. Score! I love that I can enjoy running clothes without having to pay a hefty price. My cheap Nike gear works the same as the full price Nike gear from the Nike store.

Ok, so I might be running in last seasons color, but hey, I still look good running in them ;).
I know I am a runner, because I have more running clothes than normal everyday clothes :).

My Running World

Not going to lie, this has been a rough day. Today has been a day full of bitterness and jealousy. Two terrible things to feel. Later today, someone made an insanely rude sarcastic comment to me via twitter. Why do people have to talk other people down in order to make themselves feel better. All I have to say is, I feel sorry for them. Nothing like kicking me when I am already down. I don't want any part of their negativity.

When I first saw this comment, the first thing that popped in my mind was, RUN. Get me out of here. Get me away from the negativity. Running takes me to a different world. One in which there is no negativity. To a runner, negativity is a road block. It is the only thing that can separate me from the finish line. The moment I tell myself "I can't", I will never reach my goal. In the running world, positivity helps me and guides me towards the finish.

The moment things go wrong in the real world, I escape to my running world. In my running world, its just me, no one else exists. I run for me, I race for me, I compete for me. I race against me, myself and I. None of life stresses or problems are allowed in the running world. Its a strict "leave your problems at the door" policy. Problems and stress, just like negativity, stand in the way of my goal. In the running world, there is no one there to talk you down, to tell you you're not good enough.

Why do I run? I run to escape. What am I running from? From all of life's pressures. This world is so quick to tell us what we can and can't be. Call me self centered, but I run to a place where only I matter and where I can be whatever I want to be. Where I don't have to compete against anyone else but myself. A place where I can focus on bettering myself and only myself. The running world, well, is a dream come true.

Days like today, where I have been kicked and stomped on, I am thankful to escape to a better place, even if it is for only 30 minutes. Running is my escape, it is the only thing that keeps me sane in this crazy mixed up world.

August 25, 2009

"Hello There Runner Girl :)"

You know what makes me smile? The little things in life. All the little things in life are simply reminders of how wonderful life is. The little things in life that remind me I am a runner truly make my day. This morning, I received an instant message. It was not the 'receiving' an instant message that surprised me, its what it said. It popped up and read "Hello there runner girl :)" from a friend of mine (you know who you are ;). I don't know why, but I about fell out of my chair from smiling so hard. Runner girl. That's right. To see it in writing from someone other than myself was another little reminder, I AM A RUNNER! Something so little, something this person probably has already forgot about, really lit up my day today. I will always remember today, because today is the first time someone else has called me a runner. I am not used to thinking of myself as a runner. I have painted a picture in my mind of what a runner should be. They should be very thin, very motivated, fast, invincible, and most of all, they should never get tired. I am almost none of the above. I have meat on my bones, I have buns of steel, I get tired, and there are many days I doubt myself. But I am strong, I have determination that lasts for miles and miles. Today, I was acknowledged as a runner for the first time. You know who you are, and I thank you for your very small greeting this morning, because I am still smiling :)

Like I said, it is the little things in life that mean the most to me. I like to hold on to the little things that bring me joy. I will keep this greeting in my head and when I feel like giving up on my run tonight, I will remember "Hello there Runner girl :)" and push through until the end!

Awkward, Yet Hot, Tan Lines


Tan lines. I love them. Every summer I like to lay out in my bikini and tan. I can tell how tan I get based on my tan lines. Bigger the lines, better the tan. This summer has been different. I don't have a bikini tan line this summer. I am proud to say, my tan lines are of my racer back tank, my Zensah calf sleeves and my iPod arm band. Some tell me my tan lines are embarrassing and I really should cover them up. To me, they are hot. I worked hard for those tan lines. I ran in the heat, I ran in the sunshine, but best of all, I ran. I didn't spend my time laying around eating bon bons this summer because I was too busy training. My tan lines might be 'embarrassing' and not very attractive, but man, I worked hard for them and couldn't be more proud.

I tweeted about this yesterday, and the response I got was huge. Us runners, we earned these tan lines. They are a constant reminder of all the hard work that went into training. They remind us that we are strong individuals. No matter how busy and hectic life is, we all were a bit selfish and took the time for ourselves to get outside and just run. Runners have to be selfish. We have to step back and really focus on ourselves and on our bodies.

Us runners, we may have 'embarrassing' tan lines from running, but let me just say...we all have rockin' hot healthy bodies to show for it :)

August 18, 2009

Happy Hour + Running

One of the many joys of being 21, I can finally join my friends for Happy Hour. I am going back to school in a month, so I like to see my friends as much as I can before I leave. My dilemma, do I run before or after happy hour? Well, if I run before happy hour, I don't really have time to come home and shower and I am more pressed for time on my run. But, if I run after happy hour, I will most likely run much slower and have less energy due to running with alcohol and food in my stomach. Yesterday, I decided to try running after happy hour. It was warm outside and I figured it would be cooler outside when I got home. Well, two lemon drops later and I was off for a run. Not going to lie, I surprisingly had a TON of energy. I ran 6 miles at a 7:30 pace which was shocking. Although I ran at a pretty good pace, I also was beat after those 6 miles. Not sure if I will ever try running after happy hour again, but I am glad I fit in a run yesterday.

I also happened to try GU the other day. I have heard wonderful things about it and I decided to give it a try. I immediately had a lot of energy. My runs have been much longer and stronger with the GU. I really wish I would have tried it sooner!

August 17, 2009

Day 3 Off the Poison

Today is Day 3 off of my International Delight Vanilla Poison Creamer. I am not going to lie and say my new soy milk tastes super fantastic. I miss my creamer, a lot. Do you see the picture? When I (used to) pore my creamer into my coffee, this used to happen. The world lit up with stars and ice cream cones and whip cream would sit on clouds. Well, not really, but it really comforted me in the mornings. I used to light up when I pored my creamer because it was so good! Once I realized that my creamer intake was almost 25 percent of my daily calories, I knew I needed to make a change. Since I don't care for the vanilla soy milk as much as my creamer, I have been drinking about half the amount I normally drink. I used to just drink coffee to drink coffee. I loved the taste of my coffee. Now, I don't crave my coffee as much as I used to.

The way I look at it is, I am doing something good for my body, that is a reward in itself. Running has taught me to take care of my body. I only have one body and if I don't take care of it, I am not going to be able to run in the future. Everything I consume will have a direct effect on my body. Whether it be fueling my muscles or adding to my love handles. My runs are directly linked to what I fuel my body with. I can't eat a greasy cheeseburger and then hit the pavement for a run because my body will not move as fast. Eating a piece of whole wheat bread with natural peanut butter and a banana is better for my body and is better for my run.

Once I became a 'runner', I stopped thinking about what I was 'craving' and started thinking about what would be good for my run later. I never understood when people said they 'eat, sleep and breathe running." How do you eat running? Well, now I understand. Every time I eat, I think twice about how it will affect my run later in the evening. I don't eat to eat, I eat to fuel. What does creamer do for me. It certainly doesn't fuel me or fill me. It brings me comfort in the mornings, but that's about it. "Comfort in the mornings' certainly isn't going to help me run faster in the evening.

Sorry creamer, aka poison, I no longer need you :)

August 16, 2009

Soy Milk vs. Creamer

I have talked a lot about my struggle with Vanilla creamer in my coffee. I am very convinced that my problem with creamer is holding me back from my running goals and my lifestyle makeover. I have tried Half and Half, Splenda, honey and pure vanilla extract. So, I went to the store and bought Silk light Vanilla Soy Milk. I like this in my coffee, but its not sweet at all. I am wondering if I bought the regular Silk Vanilla Soy Milk if it would have a little more taste. I think i will finish this carton of soy milk and maybe try a different brand of vanilla soy milk to see what I like.

I think the soy milk is a great alternative for my coffee creamer. A whole cup of this soy milk is 80 calories, where as the creamer was 45 calories for a tablespoon. The soy milk has lots of fiber and tons of protein. I am definitely going to have to train myself to like the soy milk rather than the creamer. If anyone knows about good, sweet tasting vanilla soy, I would love to hear about it.

Also, I am loving the Chia seeds. I am eating 300 to 500 calories fewer everyday since I have started eating the Chia seeds. I don't feel the need to munch between meals and I feel a lot fuller faster. I would definitely recommend these seeds! They are great!

August 14, 2009

The Runner Club


Happy Friday Everyone! Yahoo! I want to blog about runners, not running, runners. Runners have always intimidated me. Not really sure why. They are not only physically strong, but they are mentally strong as well. When I began running, I didn't really want to talk about it. I was running a 12 minute mile and was ashamed. I thought other runners would think they were better than me and make me feel lazy for running so slow. Its like runners had their own club. Have you ever noticed that runners tend to have TONS of running friends all over the world? Intimidating. Runners were like the popular group at school. I always admired them from afar but was way to scared to talk to them. They know everyone and everyone loves them. I was very intimidated by runners.

Now that I am a 'runner', I have joined this so called 'runner club'. The club is much different then I ever imagined. Runners are the most friendly and outgoing people. The runners in this 'running club' are not judgemental. It doesn't matter how fast you run or how far you run. We, the people of this 'running club', share one thing in common, we LOVE to run. We all run for different reasons. We are all different ages and come from all walks of life. We are here to support one another and cheer each other on. Runners like to look on the bright side and like to be optimistic.

Although most of my running friends are on the different side of the country, I feel very close to them. I am so thankful for the people I have connected with on twitter, facebook, dailymile.com and on this blog. I will forever be so thankful for all the support I have received. Sometimes, a lot of time, they are the people who motivate me to get outside and run. I may not have a running partner, but I definitely have the 'runner club' to motivate me.

I am so happy to be apart of this so called "running club". :)

Ch-Ch-Ch-CHIA!

Took me a while, but I finally came up with a few short term goals for myself.
  • Run my first race (pedicure and manicure)
  • Sign up for the Seattle Marathon (not sure yet)
  • Join a running group (not sure yet)
  • Lose 5 pounds by October 1st
  • Lose 10 pounds by Christmas

Theses are my main running goals. I have a couple other goals for myself as well that have to do with nutrition. Today I was drinking my coffee and I picked up the creamer container. 45 calories for one serving. One bottle of that poison has 65 servings. 65?! Wow, I go through a whole bottle of creamer a WEEK. 65*45=2925 calories. That is almost a whole pound (1lb = 3500 calories). I would lose almost one pound a week if i just cut my creamer from my diet. Wow. I have no problem eating healthy, but this creamer is really getting the best of me. My goal is to slowly cut creamer from my diet. I hope to use less and less everyday and slowly start using half and half and honey instead. When I go to Starbucks, I always get an Americano with Half and Half and a tsp of honey. Why can't I do that at home too? If I have creamer in the house, I am going to use it. I just don't have enough will power right now to totally cut it out of my diet, because honestly I love the taste and its a comfort thing for me. So my ultimate goal is to be able to have creamer in the house, but not feel the need to use it, except for an occasional Sunday morning or so.

I also discovered the magical powers of Chia seeds. Yes, the same chia sprouts on Chia Pets. I have read that one tablespoon of Chia seeds will sustain and individual for 24 hours! These seeds are rich in omega 3 fatty acids, antioxidants, fiber, calcium, iron and zinc. When the chia seeds sit in water (or in the stomach) they form a gel. This gel helps slow the process in which the digestive enzymes break down carbohydrates and turn them to sugars. This helps prevent some of the calories we consume from being absorbed into our system. I have also heard that these seeds help curb your appetite as well!

I decided to give these seeds a whirl. I put them into water first, but, I just couldn't get myself to drink the seeds. I decided to mix in the seeds with my home made raspberry jam and spread it on toast. Not going to lie, it looked like kitty litter on top of toast with jam. I was pleasantly surprised. The seeds had NO taste and just added a little more crunch to the toast. The seeds were very good. I don't feel like a super woman after eating the seeds, but I have heard that after a couple weeks of consuming the seeds, people notice a difference in their weight and appetite. No matter if they help me lose weight or not, I am going to try to eat these chia seeds every day because I know they are good for me! I paid 10 dollars for a 10 oz bottle, which is on the expensive side, but I would say it was well worth it!

**EDIT: I have received negative feedback because I am "counting calories". Repeat, I am NOT and never have counted calories. I am just trying to live a healthier life and eat more natural and unprocessed foods. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be more conscientious about what I eat. Please, leave your negativity home and please do not bring it to my blog. Thanks - Jess :)

August 11, 2009

17 Miles to Start the Week

Last week was bitter sweet. Although I fell off the running wagon, I had a great birthday week. Now that my birthday week is over, its time to get back into running. I lost motivation last week. It was as if I forgot why I fell in love with running. I let too many distractions get in the way, and I really lost sight of my goal. As much as I love running alone, it makes it really hard to stay accountable. I really needed a swift kick in the butt last week to get me going. I really struggle with motivation lately. I constantly feel like I don't have time to run which is so not true! My birthday was last week, and I move in two weeks. I have a lot going on, but I definitely need to make time for running. I need to just schedule time for running, just as I would for a friend.

I went full throttle yesterday and ran 17 miles. The temperature was in the 60's with light rain, it was perfect for a long run. Although 17 miles sounds long, it actually was refreshing and came pretty easy. I had some leg stiffness due to not running for a week, but I felt pretty good. I did the 17 miles with an average pace of 8:31. I ran through a very hilly residential area which really tired my legs out. I did walk a tiny bit, which threw off my average pace. Overall, this was a great run. It was just what I needed to get me back on track! It is runs like this one that show me I should never doubt myself. An awesome run to start off my week.

I really hope I don't have another week like the one I had last week. I felt guilty all week. I often compare running to a relationship. I felt like I was cheating on running. Maybe, when I was ready to see running again, it wouldn't want me back. I want to be with running forever, I don't ever want to break up with it. We have been through a lot together and I really don't know what I would do without it.


I was reading a fellow blogger's blog (Jen) the other day. She set up mini goals for herself and picked out rewards for herself when she reached the goal. What an awesome idea!! Although I think running is rewarding in itself, I think it is a great idea to set up smaller goals to help yourself reach the bigger goals. Its great to look at the big picture and your main goal, but it is nice to have smaller goals to help keep you on track. In the next couple of days I am going to make a list of my smaller goals. I think seeing them on paper will really help me out. I will post these goals on here to keep me accountable.

August 7, 2009

DailyBurn.com

I need help. I am really having trouble with this lifestyle makeover. I just forget to pay attention to the foods I put into my body. I can honestly say I have really cut down on the amount of food I intake, but sometimes I don't keep track of the types of food I eat. When beginning this lifestyle makeover, the plan was to never count calories. I want to just listen to my body to determine what to eat. Sometimes my body tells me to eat Cheetos rather than carrots. So, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot only rely on what my body tells me, but I have to mentally track what I eat.

I decided to sign up with http://www.thedailyplate.com/. This web site was so hard to use. I could blog on the site, post pictures, meet 'friends', and track workouts. Not really what I was looking for. So I signed up with http://www.dailyburn.com/. I like this site better than the first one, but it is still hard use. I don't always have my computer at the tips of my fingers to record every single thing i eat. When I cook, do I have to manually find every ingredient? No thank you. I don't have time for that. I just want a tool that will help me track what I eat. Maybe a food diary on a plain piece of paper would be better. I am still not sure what to do, but I do know I want to be accountable for what I eat.

I never wanted to ever have to calorie count. Calorie counting makes me really not want to eat at all. I feel super guilty eating things when I know how many calories it has. I logged on the http://www.dailyburn.com/ today to record my breakfast. It informed me the the amount of creamer I used in my coffee today total was over 130 calories of pure fat. Awesome. While it is good that I am aware of this, I really am not willing to give up my creamer at this point. I guess this tool will inform me of what I am eating and help me make conscientious choices when it comes to eating.
Times like these make me wonder, how does everyone else stay on track and eat healthy? I would love to hear tips about how to stay on track and how to track what I eat. At this point, I just really need to be accountable for the foods I eat. I need to shed a couple more pounds to be able to shed a couple seconds off my mile time. I want to do it in a healthy way by eating smart and exercising.

Its All In My Mind

Just to warn you, the thoughts below are a bit scattered. I am not going to lie. I have not run all week. I have not had any motivation. I have really tried to spend my week thinking about why I run and what made me love running in the first place. There are so many people in the world that are too sick to run and some that can't even walk. Why do I take running for granted sometimes? I should be so thankful that I can run in the first place. I should be so thankful for all the good things running has done in my life. I need to spend more time with running, just so it knows how much it knows how much it means to me.

**I have a goal. My goal is to run the Seattle Marathon in November. Training alone has been very difficult. Although I prefer to run alone, I also would really enjoy having a running partner. Someone to keep me accountable and help me stay on track. Once again, this is another one of my lousy excuses for not running. I am sure if I had a training partner, I would come up with a different excuse. So, why all the excuses? I think I am very afraid I am going to fail. I am afraid I will not be able to run a marathon. I really can't sit around and not run due to my fear of failure. I am only hurting myself by having negative thoughts. I was talking to a friend last night about the importance of positive thinking. Its funny, I can sit around and tell everyone else to think positive, why can't I take my own advice? Negative thoughts will only hold me back from my goal. It is not going to get me anywhere.

"Fear less, hope more. Eat less, chew more. Whine less, breathe more. Talk less, say more. Love more and all good things will be yours."

"Once you replace the negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results."

Like I have said many times before, my mind is so powerful. I need to use it for the greater good. I really want to eliminate all of my negative thoughts and fears about running. I am not going to fail. I am going to run this marathon because I know I have the mental and physical strength to conquer whatever I set my mind to. My initial goal was to run the marathon at a specific pace and not walk at all. Since this is my first marathon, I just want to cross the finish line. I want to have the privilege of calling myself a marathoner. I want to know what it feels like to complete a marathon. I am a runner, next step is a marathoner. I will do it, because I know I can.

OCD UPDATE: I have had very positive results this week. Whenever I get a 'bad feeling' I quickly shut it down with a positive thought. Negative thoughts are not going to rule my life. I always drink my coffee in the same recliner every morning while i watch Sister Sister (haha). I never recline the seat, but this morning I decided to. The moment I reclined the chair, I immediately thought of a stretcher. Why? No clue. But, that to me, was a very bad thought. Was I going to wind up in a stretcher later that day? I quickly stopped those thoughts. I reclined my chair anyways, and so far, nothing bad has happened. By the way, right now I am getting bad thoughts about writing this. Like I am going to now have something bad happen to me. I am going to post this anyways. I have just been trying to do anything I can to show myself these 'bad thoughts' are just a pigment of my mind and very irrational. I love the picture on this post, "In my mind", that's what I keep telling myself.

August 6, 2009

Road ID

I began running as a treadmill runner. I love running outside, there is something about running with my hair flowing in the wind and my feet on the pavement. But to be honest, I have always had a fear of the road. It would be so easy for a car to pull up and snatch me away or better yet, get hit by a car. As much as I would like to think we live in a safe world, we don't. I don't want to be a naive runner. When I run outside, I try not to run the same path everyday, I try to run when it is well lit and where there are sidewalks. I run with bright colors and with my mace in my hand. Although my mace makes me feel a little safer when I run, it still doesn't eliminate my fear of the road. I normally run with my mace in one hand, my cell in the other hand, and my ipod on my arm. I am not going to lie, I really hate running with my hands full, but it is a sacrifice I make for my safety.

Today, as I was reading a fellow blogger's blog, I stumbled upon a picture of her "Road ID". It is just a cute little bracelet that you wear on your runs and it has contact information on it. Although this Road ID isn't going to save me from being hit by a driver or being snatched on my run, it will help me feel a little bit better about running outdoors. You can order them from www.roadid.com. I am definitely going to order myself an ID. They are only 20 dollars and they could really help save your life. Such a great investment. They also come in many cute colors too!

I would really like to hear from other runners about what you do to stay safe when running. Please leave comments! :)

August 5, 2009

Piece of Mind

I have been lacking some motivation lately. Sometimes I look for other peoples words to inspire me and to light a fire. Here are some words that really caught my eye and sparked a fire for me.

"You don't stand in front of the mirror before a run and wonder what the road will think of your outfit. You don't have to listen to its jokes and pretend they're funny in order to run on it. It will not be easier to run if you dress sexier. The road doesn't notice when you're not wearing make up. It doesn't care how old you are. And you don't feel uncomfortable if you make more money than it. The only thing the road cares about is that you pay it a visit once in a while" - NIKE

"All your life you are told the things you cannot do. All your life they will tell you you're not good enough or strong enough or talented enough, they'll say you're the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. They will tell you no, a thousand times no until all the No's become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly. They will tell you no. And you will tell them yes." - UNKNOWN

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A RUNNER WHEN:

  • your first thought when you look at the weekly weather forecast is "when can I fit my runs in?
  • your treadmill has more miles on it than your car.
  • at least one of your websites user names or email has the word 'run' or 'runner' in it.
  • you know exactly where one mile from your front door is (in all directions).
  • you hear PR you automatically think Personal Record, not public relations.

Running to the Beat of the Tune


Do you listen to music while you run? I cannot go on a run without my ipod and armband. There is nothing better than a good upbeat song to push you through the last couple miles of a run. Normally I am a country fan when it comes to music. But, when it comes to running, no country for me! I like really upbeat music. Something that has a fast tempo that can help me pick up my pace on a run. When I run, I almost like angry music. When I run mad, I run so much faster! Lately, I have been in a music funk. I just am sick of the music I currently run to. I always love to hear what other runners listen to when they run and find out what motivates them.
I wanted to share some music that motivates me while I run. I would LOVE if you guys would leave comments about songs that you run to!

Jennifer Lopez -'I'm Real'
Gwen Stefani - 'Hollaback Girl'
Keri Hilson - 'Turning Me On'
Kris Kross - 'Jump!'
Kelly Clarkson - 'Don't Let Me Stop You'
Eminem - 'Til I Collapse' -->awesome motivating song!
Drake - 'Best I Ever Had'
Lil Scrappy - 'Gangsta, Gangsta'
Aesop Rock - 'Coffee' & 'None Shall Pass'
Andre Nicatina - 'The Jungle'
Brooke Hogan - 'Falling For You'
Janet Jackson - 'So Excited'
Janet Jackson and Ciara - 'Feedback'
Spice Girls - 'Wannabe'
LL Cool J & J Lo - 'Control Myself'
Natasha Beddingfield - 'Single'
Slightly Stoopid - 'Closer To The Sun'
Heiroglyphics - 'Life Is A Blast'
TLC - 'No Scrubs'
Toya - 'I Do'
3LW - 'Crush On You'
Anything Lil Wayne

PLEASE leave a comment if you know of any good running music! I would love some feedback!

August 4, 2009

Have You Done A Good Deed Today?


This has nothing to do with running, but since its my blog, I can post what ever I want :) haha. So I was down at the DOL this morning getting my big girl license. I ran to Starbucks to get my coffee (Its not Friday, but it IS my birthday) to treat myself. I was at the DOL an hour early because I really didn't want to sit in the DOL for 5 million hours. So, while I was standing in line outside the door I realized (10 mins before they open) I didn't have any cash on me. Awesome. Lost my spot in line after an hour waiting. Ran to Safeway. Bought a magazine to get cash back. (People magazine if you were wondering, can't wait to read it later!) Got in my car and drove like a mad woman back to the DOL. When I pulled up, I noticed the line was no longer 20 people long, it was wrapped around the entire building. So, me and my 25 dollars cash walked to the back of the line. In no way was I going to go cut and ask if I could have my spot back. 2 minutes later, the kind old man I was standing in line earlier walks around the building and tells me I can have my spot back.


It is little things like this that really make my day. Why can't everyone be so kind? He could have easily just stood there and be one spot ahead in line. It is the little things in life that really make my day. He really didn't have to do that for me, but I am very thankful that he did. It makes me want to go one step further everyday to do something nice for someone else. It takes one second out of my life, but it might make someone else's day. Why can't we all make little sacrifices here and there for other people? You should never do nice things for other people expecting a payback or a pat on the back. Do it just to be nice, to make someone else's day. I am going to try to make a bigger effort everyday to do more selfless acts for other people. Make the world a better place one good deed at a time.


OCD UPDATE: This week has been ground breaking for me, and its only Tuesday!! I have not blocked my door at night with a crate. I have not checked under the bed or in the closet. I have not worried about the lid on my chap stick. I have allowed the clothes in my closet to remain unorganized. I have not worried about which way the things in my room are organized before bed. I feel very good, very free and most of all, very happy. I am so proud of my progress in the past year, just goes to show, I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to.
Thanks for all of the support everyone. You have no idea how much it means to me. I love reading peoples comments and thoughts. Very appreciative and very thankful! :)

August 3, 2009

DO IT! - Call Me Fat

I have lost weight, I feel great. I think other people are starting to notice. Some people tell me I look great, they can notice a difference. (This is my 'before' so called 'fat' stage) While other people say "WOW, man you used to look pretty plump!" Plump? Really? When I think of plump, I think of plums. Yes, fat purple plums. Did I used to look like a fat purple plum? I am 5'8 and used to be a size 8, now am a size 6. Is 5'8 and a size 8 plump? How about fat? Because I never thought of myself as fat or plump. Although I am happy that I have lost a little weight, I really hate it when people tell me they thought I was fat. Its a low blow to me. Some people like to go on and on about it too. "Like omigosh! I totally used to be grossed out by your stomach, and you used to be so thick." "You used to be so fat, like, really fat!" "How did you do it? I mean, you were so big before!" "How were you even able to run before? You were pretty big" Thanks, you can stop now. I am proud of the body I was given, even if it was a size 8. Who cares. There is more to me than the size of my jeans.

I like to think I have always had a lot of self confidence. But it is comments like these that really get me down. I had a friend once (hope they're not reading lol) tell me I looked like I was on the Big Mac diet. Yes I said it. Me and my size 8 jeans looked like we were on the Big Mac diet. I about crawled over the table and pounded the guy. Seriously? And we wonder why society is the way it is. Guys need to keep their mouths shut. Unless it is going to be a respectful compliment, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! Us girls, we remember every single comment that people make about us, especially about our bodies. I can even remember, way back in junior high, a guy looked at my binder and told me I looked fat in one of my pictures. FAT? I was a size 00. I don't think I had an ounce of fat on my body. But at the time, I believed it. For a while, I allowed myself to hate my body because some lousy guy who had nothing better to do called me fat.
I am not going to let these negative comments get me down. I am not going to starve myself or hate my body. So, go ahead, tell me I am fat, better yet, on the big mac diet! Its just more motivation baby. I'll take it out on the pavement later ;)

I AM A RUNNER


Its official. I am a runner. Although I have been running for over a year, I can't say I ever really felt like a runner before. When I wake up in the mornings, I usually wake up with a craving. Normally this craving is for coffee, sugar or chocolate (yes, its possible to crave chocolate at 5am). But this morning, I woke up with a craving for running. It is 8:52 in the morning and all I can think about is how bad I want to hit the pavement later. I can't wait to throw up my hair and toss on my Mizuno's and hit the open road. I have been told runners eat, sleep and breath running. I never understood that (how can you eat running? lol). But I do now. Its all I think about. When I eat, I think about what kinds of foods will help me on my run later. What is going to fuel my muscles for my long run. When I go to bed at night, I think about where I am going to run the next day and how far I am going to run. I don't think about what I am going to wear to work in the morning, I think about what I am going to wear on my run.

I have been eating pretty healthy lately with a couple minor downfalls. My runs have been pretty impressive lately. Eating healthy makes my body feel so good. I used to feel like a greasy potato chip, and how I feel like a fresh pineapple (weird analogy, i know). I feel like 20 billion bucks. I feel awesome. I used to wonder how people could run so much. Now, I wonder why people don't run so much.

I am at a very happy place in my life. I believe running has got me to this happy place. Ask anyone I know, and they will tell you that I was the person who would worry about everything. I would worry and stress about thinks FOR other people, like I was doing them a favor or something. That Jessica has been replaced. If I worry and stress about everything, I am going to miss out on a lot of life. Running has opened my eyes to a new world, a happy and carefree world. I am on top of the world when I run.

Today is the day, I can finally say, I feel like a runner. :)

August 2, 2009

Mental > Physical


I had two great runs this weekend. A 15 miler and a 7 miler. I have thought a lot lately about why I run. Because when I think about it, its painful, tiring and straight up time consuming. In a sick and twisted way, the pain is the best part about running. I love running and feeling the burn deep in my muscles. In a way, the pain makes me feel more alive than ever. The pain also shows me how powerful my mind is. I can run 20 miles and be in so much pain I feel like I am going to collapse, but the one thing that soothes the pain is my mind. My mind is so powerful and it out does the pain every time. Running is so incredibly mental. When people say they aren't a runner because they are too out of shape and what not, I just laugh because its such a lame excuse. Anyone can be a runner, they just have to want it for themselves. Running shows me that my mind is so much more powerful that I ever thought.


If I can block out the pain while running, why can't I use my mind to conquer other things in life, like OCD, anxiety and my panic disorder? I can. Running helps me realize that I can use my mind to help conquer my OCD. If my mind is powerful enough to convince me of irrational things, then it can just as well help me realize those thoughts are irrational.


I did laundry today. Normally when I hang up my laundry it is organized by type and color and all of the shirts hang in the same direction. Today, I hung up the clothes and didn't organize them or make sure they were all hanging in the same direction. Although a small step, it was progress. It feels so good to make little changes everyday. The other day (last blog post) I vowed to not worry about the lid to my petroleum jelly. I am happy to say I have not worried about the lid and which way it was on the container. I got to say, it feels pretty darn good. Almost like chains are releasing. With every ritual I kick, I feel a little bit more free. I know one day, I will be completely free and I can't wait :).